Movie 43

Before I get to my review, it should it noted that I’ve had to re-post this on Netflix multiple times.  Evidently, people take offense at my comments and check the box marked ‘inappropriate or objectionable content’, then Netflix pulls the review from the site.  I find this exceedingly ironic, as the content in the movie itself is far beyond inappropriate and objectionable.  I figure people get irritated at my honesty and feel I need to “lighten up”.  But I have just as much of a right to voice my opinion as anyone else, which is why I think Netflix needs to actually read reviews before automatically removing them to make sure there really is objectionable content and not that someone just disagreed with what was said.  OK, I’ll get down off my soapbox now.

To say this movie is raunchy in no way conveys the depths of depravity commonplace throughout this film. This utterly disgusting and cringe-inducing movie is what you get when Hollywood tries to make fun of itself, which accounts for the incredible cast of Tinseltown’s best. If you’re wondering why so many great actors signed on for this piece of, er, manure, my theory is that they got one or two big names first (possibly by means of blackmail or calling in huge favors), then the rest snowballed. I can just hear their thoughts after reading the script, trying to politely decline and then being told that So-and-So and What’s-His-Name had agreed to participate. “Well, if they’ve all signed, I don’t want to be the only one who said no …”. This is funny in a horrifying watch-from-behind-your-hands kind of way, but it is important to know it isn’t going to just push the envelope, it’s going to bulldoze it clear over to the neighboring galaxy. I think the first sketch featuring Kate Winslet and Hugh Jackman was my favorite, as it was only mildly gross and I only gagged once (as did Kate). The rest descend into a pubescent scatological festival of nastiness that breaks pretty much every taboo and social more in modern culture. There are no words for some of the things this movie does, but depraved, loathsome, abhorrent, prurient and revoltingly nauseating come close. It wallows in obscenity, rejoices in being offensive and celebrates pandering to the lowest common denominator. If that sounds appealing to you, then by all means, watch this. I gave it at least one star because I can appreciate some of the ludicrous humor and the performances really are good, so I didn’t absolutely hate it. But it’s definitely an approach-with-extreme-caution type of movie and I cannot give it a strong recommendation. – BETHANY

For more on the extensive cast of this, uh, thing, visit the Internet Movie Database

For the pictures below, I’m not going to bother giving you the characters’ names because frankly, who cares?

                                      Kate Winslet on a blind date with a seemingly perfect guy.  What’s she staring at, you ask?

She’s staring at the balls hanging from Hugh Jackman‘s neck.  This might be the only possible way to make him unattractive.

In this sketch, Chloë Grace Moretz really needs to go home because a beautiful miracle of blossoming womanhood has inconveniently occurred for the first time while she’s visiting the neighboring house full of boys.

The poor girl will be scarred for life!

Awkward superhero speed dates.  Kristen Bell tries to be polite to Justin Long while Batman (Jason Sudeikis) “hides” under the table, making crude comments in an attempt to coach Robin (Justin Long).

Anna Faris has asked long-time boyfriend Chris Pratt to fulfill her greatest sexual fantasy by defecating on her.  He’s justifiably hesitant.

                                      Anna Farris does her best to encourage him.

This poor kid’s parents have decided to homeschool him and have taken it upon themselves to fulfill every conceivable role in a teenager’s life.  Here his mother, Naomi Watts, plays the sexy teacher.

His father, Liev Schreiber, implements traumatizing hazing deemed necessary for the real high school experience.  It only gets worse from there.

Dennis Quaid is the screenwriter responsible for this whole mess as he holds Greg Kinnear hostage in an effort to get his work produced.  Don’t be fooled by who is holding the gun.

Richard Gere – that expression says it all.

Elizabeth Banks – an even more appropriate reaction to this movie.

Here are two faux commercials inserted into this movie.  I’m including them because they might be the only funny bits in the whole thing.  WARNING: the first clip has a shark in it.

 

 

Photos courtesy of Relativity Media, Virgin Produced, GreeneStreet Films, Wessler Entertainment and Witness Protection Films (unless otherwise credited in clickable form)

Here’s a roster of the star-studded cast:

• Dennis Quaid
• Greg Kinnear
• Common
• Will Sasso
• Seth MacFarlane
• Fisher Stevens
• Hugh Jackman
• Kate Winslet
• Liev Schreiber
• Naomi Watts
• Anna Faris
• Chris Pratt
• Kieran Culkin
• Emma Stone
• Justin Long
• Jason Sudeikis
• Kristen Bell
• Uma Thurman
• Bobby Cannavale
• Leslie Bibb
• Richard Gere
• Kate Bosworth
• Christopher Mintz-Plasse
• Chloë Grace Moretz
• Patrick Warburton
• Gerard Butler
• Johnny Knoxville
• Seann William Scott
• Halle Berry
• Stephen Merchant
• Snooki
• Terrence Howard
• Elizabeth Banks
• Julianne Moore
• Josh Duhamel
• Tony Shalhoub
• Bob Odenkirk
• Anton Yelchin

For the full list, their roles and descriptions of the sketches, visit the film’s Wikipedia page.

The Goldbergs

Like the great Nora Ephron said, “When you slip on a banana peel, people laugh at you. But when you tell people you slipped on a banana peel, it’s your laugh.” Based on the real life experiences of one Adam F. Goldberg, this show takes some epic childhood embarrassment and turns it into hilarious entertainment. It simultaneously pokes fun at the 80s but also revels in everything good about it. Tinged with a sweet nostalgia, we get to see the world through the eyes of a proto-nerd who narrates the proceedings while dispensing life lessons. Adam’s family has a dysfunctional dynamic but it’s never truly malicious. “In my family, we fight, scream and make horrible mistakes that go way too far. But an hour later, we’re fine. That’s what it means to be a Goldberg”. Undeniably cheesy but with a sardonic edge, the show has a sort of innocence to it that is utterly charming.

While the curmudgeonly father (who has a distressing habit of walking around in his underwear) is great, the most entertaining character has got to be his wife, Beverly. Calling her a helicopter mom doesn’t even begin to cover it. She’s passive aggressive, totally intrusive with no sense of appropriate boundaries, overly protective of her children and with massively over-teased hair that should have its own zip code. Born in 1978, I grew up smack in the middle of the 80s. The decade was a hoot and a half and this show capitalizes on every silly fad and pop culture phenomenon. It’s heartfelt while gamely mocking itself, a totally winning formula. I tend to laugh out loud while watching, cringe at some of the jabs and thoroughly enjoy myself. Thanks Mr. Goldberg, for allowing us to laugh with you and relive the 80s glory days. Now let’s see, where did I leave that Debbie Gibson album … – BETHANY

For every conceivable pertinent detail about this show, visit the Internet Movie Database

Sean Giambrone portraying the real Adam Goldberg’s younger self, the hub of the show which is based on Adam’s actual videotapes shot when he was younger.

                       Each episode ends with a few clips from Goldberg’s collection, showing the real people upon whom the story was based.

Beverly Goldberg (Wendi McLendon-Covey), a guilt trip expert who staunchly believes her children are beyond perfect (despite evidence to the contrary).  Don’t let her smile fool you, there’s a super-villain caliber mind behind it whose sole purpose in life is to further the interests of her offspring.

Erica Goldberg (Hayley Orrantia) with Charlie Sheen reprising his role in a salute to a seminal 80’s movie, Ferris Bueller’s Day Off.

Murray Goldberg (Jeff Garlin) in his favorite chair.  Be grateful that in this picture his pants are on, as his usual first move upon coming in the door is to remove them.

Barry Goldberg (Troy Gentile), a fair to middling teen with the self-bestowed nickname “Big Tasty” and delusions of greatness.  Is it just me or is it funny to have a guy with the last name ‘Gentile’ starring on a show about an obviously Jewish family?

Erica and best friend Lainey (AJ Michalka) attempt to start a girl band with limited success.

Adam at the premiere of Return of the Jedi.

Adam enlisting help to film his own version of TRON.

Barry gets excited about The Hulk.

Super cool, understanding and the perpetual voice of reason, George Segal plays “Pops”, Beverly’s father.

Let’s be honest.  Pretty much every kid growing up in the 80s has a photo like this somewhere.

Ah, remember Roller Rinks?  What a fashion show!

       The accuracy of parallels between the real thing and the re-created version in the show is astonishing.  Good for Adam for having the guts to own up to this picture.

 

 

Photos courtesy of Adam F. Goldberg Productions, Happy Madison Productions, Sony Pictures Television and ABC

The Giver

“When people have the freedom to choose, they choose wrong. Every single time.” The idea that the government knows best is not a new one, a.k.a. The Nanny State. This one’s bright idea of “fixing” humanity was to create a super-regimented, highly regulated, advanced technological and micro-managed community, devoid of diversity, color (a nifty trick!), emotion and things like adventure and genuine pleasure. Sameness becomes the goal but equality, taken to such extremes, becomes a great evil rather than a virtue. This might be the ultimate example of throwing out the baby with the bathwater in that by ridding people of the bad, they also strip them of the things that make life worth living. You know it’s bad when someone says something like “The Elders are never wrong.” Dum-duh-dum-dum!  Brenton Thwaites stars as Jonas, who is chosen (in a ceremony a LOT like the ones in Harry Potter, Divergent and The Hunger Games) to become apprentice to The Receiver of Memory (Jeff Bridges).  It is his lot to retain memories of the world as it was before.  They can never be shared with anyone else except an apprentice, but he does offer advice based on his broader knowledge to the leaders of The Community.  Since Jonas is to be the Receiver of Memory, the two of them decide to call the previous one “the Giver”.  Taylor Swift plays the part of a previous apprentice, Rosemary, who mysteriously didn’t work out and subsequently disappeared.  The trouble really begins when Jonas starts illicitly sharing what he’s learned with his friend Fiona (Odeya Rush), and generally starting to behave contrary to the rules of The Community.

While I appreciate a lot about this movie, I’ve got to wonder if there’s an assembly line somewhere churning out scripts about future dystopian societies where one or two characters just don’t quite fit in, i.e. the Hunger Games, Divergent, The Maze Runner, The Island, etc., although this one puts a creepy Pleasantville spin on the theme. There are some great sequences illustrating the joys as well as the horrors of life, and it’s always a pleasure to see Alexander Skarsgård (Eric Northman!! from True Blood). But while I have a feeling the book is probably more interesting and quite profound, the movie left much to be desired. The prologue says there are no losers or winners, but one of the first lines is “I win,” regarding the competitive sport of baby weighing. “Some people have it, some people don’t.” Right from the beginning, the script violates its own basic tenet, with a character crying “That’s just not fair!”. I liked the subtle use of color shading throughout, but unfortunately an emotionless society makes for a boring movie. With no real resolution other than a nice montage encapsulating the full human experience, it was too oversimplified for my taste.  I hear there are several other books by the same author set in this world, but if any of them get made into movies I can’t say I’m looking forward to it.  – BETHANY

For more on this movie, visit the Internet Movie Database

This apple turns red just like the one in Pleasantville – poor Eve, she’ll never live it down …

The Community – anywhere else is known somewhat vapidly as “Elsewhere”.

A ceremony in The Community.  Such straight lines!

Jonas’ family, Father (Alexander Skarsgård), his sister and Mother (Katie Holmes).

Learning about music from the Giver.

Receiving memory from the Giver, who lives on the edge of The Community.

Jonas and friends Fiona (Odeya Rush) and Asher (Cameron Monaghan).

      Taylor Swift as Rosemary.

Meryl Streep as The Chief Elder and Jeff Bridges as the Giver.

Photos courtesy of Asis Productions, Tonik Productions, Walden Media and The Weinstein Company (unless otherwise credited in clickable form)

Red Band Society

Red Band Society is a great show about a group of teenagers so ill they have to live in the hospital. It’s got heart, well drawn characters, excellent dialogue and just enough humor to lighten the otherwise depressing atmosphere. These are real people making the best of a horrible situation, some dealing with it better than others. There’s an interesting array of personalities in the hospital staff as well as the patients, including a boy in a coma who omnisciently narrates the proceedings. It’s a fascinating look at life in the hospital, with the inevitable human drama running alongside the medical goings on. I’m giving this show four stars, but it isn’t one I’ll continue to watch. This is because I personally spend way too much time in the hospital as a patient myself, and therefore the subject material hits a little too close to home for me. However, I highly recommend you give it a chance, even though it was cancelled after one season, and see if these characters can win you over. It’s sure to change your outlook on life and make you appreciate all the things you might otherwise take for granted. – BETHANY

For more on this heart-wrenching show, visit the Internet Movie Database

Scary Nurse, the new guy on the ward, Coma Kid, Mean Girl, Old Timer, the Anorexic, the Player and the Hot Doc.

        Left to right:Dash (Astro), Jordi (Nolan Sotillo), coma boy Charlie (Griffin Gluck) and Lee (Charlie Rowe).

Nurse Jackson (Octavia Spencer) trying (and most likely failing) to get some cooperation from erstwhile cheerleader and always mean girl Kara (Zoe Levin).

Wheelchair races!

                                                              Almost insufferably cheerful and obviously unseasoned Nurse Brittany (Rebecca Rittenhouse).

 

 

 

Photos courtesy of ABC Studios, Amblin Television, Filmax International, Disney–ABC Television Group and Fox network (unless credited in clickable form)

Blended

Think of this as a family romantic comedy, as the emphasis is more on all the goofy antics and not so much about the romance. Adam Sandler and Drew Barrymore really do have undeniable chemistry, but it has an easy nonchalance to it, which allows the movie to focus more on the kids and other characters instead of the principals. After a horrendous blind date, Lauren (Barrymore) and Jim (Sandler) seem to keep running into one another and more than a little improbably wind up on an African safari along with their respective children. Both parents are trying and failing to be both mother and father to their kids, but it’s admirable to see characters who genuinely wish to put their children first. The writing is very funny, particularly with Lauren and Jim constantly sniping at one another, one cheap shot after another, and Terry Crews is hilarious as a ridiculously way over-the-top tourist entertainer. There are a few subtle nods to the romcom where they both worked in the wedding industry and one blatant one referencing the romcom where she has a form of amnesia, but the romcom where they go on safari is excellent in its own right. An effervescent surprisingly witty story with just enough slightly dirty content to prevent it from being unbearably saccharine, this was just plain fun. Cute, but with some depth to it, I thoroughly enjoyed the film and heartily applaud Sandler and Barrymore’s third collaboration. – BETHANY

See further detailed information at IMDB.com

Wendi McClendon-Covey as Jen and Drew Barrymore as Lauren

       The Friedman clan: daughters Espn (not kidding), Lou, “Larry” (short for Hilary, of course!) and dad Jim.  Have you ever seen a trio of girls more in need of a mother’s influence?

The Reynolds boys and the Friedman girls do NOT like each other.

                 Something awful happens on the safari tour.

          “Larry” Friedman (Bella Thorne) Before shot.

                                    Hilary Friedman after Jen gets done with her.  Cute guy you scored there, Hilary!

More un-family friendly happenings on safari.

   Terry Crews as Nickens

          Uh, what was I saying?

Awkward …

Dearie dearie me …

Joel McHale as Lauren’s ex Mark

                                                   Jessica Lowe and Kevin Nealon as honeymooners Ginger and Eddie

 

 

Photos courtesy of Happy Madison Productions, Gulfstream Pictures, Karz Entertainment and Warner Bros. Pictures

 

Good Witch

This Hallmark TV series follows 7 movies about Catherine Bell‘s character Cassie Nightingale. I watched a few of the movies, but I’ve got to say that either the movies were much better or the TV show version is sadly lacking in, well, everything. There are some very fine actors involved but it’s like they all forgot how to act and instead shamelessly overdo the dramatics, making the characters seem flat and one dimensional or worse, stock. The stilted performances are smothered in what I can only describe as high-fructose corn syrup masquerading as the script and accompanying overly emotional music. Also, the show makes no effort to welcome new viewers by filling them in on pertinent details so if you haven’t seen every single one of the movies, there’s a lot that won’t make sense. Cassie is annoyingly perfect and prescient, and seems to enjoy being enigmatic just for kicks. I can readily understand why the new doctor in town finds her frustratingly opposed to modern medicine, oppressively omnipresent and ridiculously good at everything. My personal verdict is unless you’re a die-hard fan of the movies, this show will likely have little appeal. – BETHANY

If you care, here’s the link for the Internet Movie Database

The incredibly annoying Madam Mayor, Martha Tinsdale (Catherine Disher)

                                James Denton, Catherine Bell, Bailee Madison

ALL the Good Witch movies:

                                                                      Makes me wonder, did they run out of trailing titles for the TV show, so they went back to the original title?  I have a few suggestions – The Good Witch’s Vexation.  The Good Witch’s Pomposity.  Or how about The Good Witch’s Ubiquity.

 

 

Photos courtesy of Whizbang Films and Hallmark Channel