Welcome to the Jungle

Caution: If you are easily offended, dislike any kind of vulgarity or have no sense of humor, this movie is probably not for you. In my opinion, this not-rated-by-anyone-official film should be rated R, as it has adult themes, quite a bit of off-color language, drug use, sexual activity, nudity, etc. I found it to be hilarious, highly reminiscent of the 1999 movie Office Space in tone and humor, if said movie were set on a slightly less interesting version of the island from Lost.  Jean-Claude Van Damme is hysterically funny, skewering himself in pretty much every action movie ever made. I love watching big Hollywood actors totally make fun of themselves!  Rob Huebel makes your skin crawl as he owns his role as a smarmy jerk and a truly repellent human being (that’s putting it mildly, but I’m limited in the language I choose to employ), Adam Brody is charming as the “nice guy”, plus the Allstate guy (Dennis Haysbert) does a turn as a clueless CEO.

Mr. Palmer (Dennis Haysbert) sends his office employees on a team-building retreat (but wisely chooses not to join them), run by the improbably named and very deranged tough guy Storm Rothchild (Jean-Claude Van Damme).  Their destination is a deserted island in an undisclosed location, completely cutting them off from the outside world in order to heighten the experience.  What could possibly go wrong?  When things inevitably do not go as planned, leaders rise and fall, new societal structures form, promptly break down and everything devolves into a very adult version of Lord of the Flies.

The plot is imaginative and more than a little campy, but every time I thought I had figured out where the story was going, I was wrong. Is the script totally unbelievable and ridiculous, full of very raunchy and crude humor? Yes, and I enjoyed every bizarre moment of it, even when I was cringing in disgust. I especially enjoyed seeing Megan Boone, after making her acquaintance in The Blacklist. True, here she could be seen as a budget version of Olivia Wilde, but I think she did a great job as the office’s resident super hot but really nice girl. All the supporting cast were spot on as a pasquinade of office workers everywhere, each one deranged in their own special way. I couldn’t stop myself from howling with helpless laughter through most of the movie, and I dare you to give it a try.  – BETHANY

For more on this twisted film, stop by the Internet Movie Database

Doesn’t every office have one of these cookie characters who collect odd things in one variety or another?  Kristen Schaal‘s character  Brenda is obsessed with anything rabbit related.

                                The nice guy Chris (Adam Brody).  The sweater vest and the milk sign in the background perfectly sum up his character.

                                                                          Megan Boone playing office hot but nice girl Lisa.

Office meetings. Gee, this looks like so much fun!  Brenda (Kristen Schaal), Chris (Adam Brody) and Jared (Eric Edelstein).

Mr. Palmer (Dennis Haysbert), who looks perpetually bored, introducing Storm (Jean-Claude Van Damme).

                                    Storm’s pitch to the horrified office denizens.

Don’t leave us here!  It’s cruel.  It’s inhumane!

Storm never misses an opportunity to strike a pose.

      One of the aliases (François Van Varenberg) Jean-Claude Van Damme is accused of being an impersonator is actually his real name.  – source: IMDB.com trivia

Phil (Rob Huebel) and friends go totally native.

Storm confronting a tiger.  “Be not afraid, my noble jungle brother.”

          The island itself is quite pretty, but the wildlife is something else.

Things get downright steamy.  And pervy!  Note the view is illicitly seen through binoculars.

An alliance of the relatively sane.

Van Damme is surprisingly good in a comedy, although most of his performance is comprised of spoofing himself and other humor at his own expense.

This movie would have been awesome if Katy Perry swooped in to the rescue.  Alas, she doesn’t.  (Photo courtesy of Capitol Records, from Perry’s music video for her song ‘Roar’.)

 

 

Photos courtesy of The Salt Company International, Pimienta Film Company, 120dB Films, Stun Creative, Private Island Trax and Universal Pictures (unless otherwise credited in clickable form)

Interstellar

‘Mankind was born on Earth.  It was never meant to die here.’  Overpopulation and a ferocious blight attacking crops is driving humanity ever closer to extinction.  Matthew McConaughey plays Cooper, a farmer like everyone else, but also an ex-NASA pilot and engineer.  Their world now resembles the 1930’s Depression era dust bowl, with drab clothing and utilitarian farmhouses.  While society regresses technologically, there are a few who realize the salvation of mankind isn’t on Earth but out in the stars.  Once again, it’s the ‘NASA saves the day’ cliché, but since I wholeheartedly support the space program, I don’t mind one bit.  Interstellar is a rather magnificent combination of incredible cinematography and a lot of cool real scientific stuff, and a story of family and what makes us human.  Like 2001: A Space Odyssey, with which there are a lot of parallels, you will most likely love it or hate it.  I’m one of the few who fell right in the middle, able to appreciate all the good qualities in director Christopher Nolan‘s work, but still conscious of the stretches in logic and other faults.

Interstellar has undeniably spectacular visual effects, but it is exceedingly long.  With a run time of almost three hours, I did find myself checking the clock quite a bit.  It’s highly appropriate that the space vessel is called The Endurance, because it’s a trait you will need to get through the overly long and dare I say it, bloated film.  The most I can tell you about the plot is it involves a space mission to find other habitable worlds in order to save the human race.  Pretty much anything else is a spoiler.  Matthew McConaughey, Anne Hathaway, a walking Rubix cube wise-cracking robot and a few red shirt extras, including Seneca Crane from The Hunger Games (Wes Bentley, unfortunately minus the crazy beard), set out via a convenient wormhole on a quest designed to assault you with dumbed down but valid science, and copious quantities of stunning visual effects.  The whole movie is a paradox with most everything eventually tied up in a neat bow, so be prepared for a lot of mind bending stuff as well as some rather ridiculous plot devices (the solution to everything is “solving gravity”?  And what was up with that bit resembling that Doctor Who episode The Girl in the Fireplace?)

Despite the annoying absurdities, there are quite a few marvelous things about Interstellar that I must acknowledge.  The cast is beyond impressive with the aforementioned stars as well as Michael Caine, Jessica Chastain, Matt Damon, Ellen Burstyn, John Lithgow, Casey Affleck and Topher Grace.  The soundtrack is wicked, with a nice use of pipe organ and I especially liked the subtle tick-tock motif used on the water planet to illustrate the urgency of time passing.  I might actually forgive composer Hans Zimmer for the Gladiator incident, wherein he failed to give credit to Gustav Holst after blatantly ripping off Mars: The Bringer of War from the collection The Planets.  With highly charged emotional content, many tangents regarding high-minded philosophy, quantum science, metaphysics and other conundrums, my personal favorite was a fascinating discussion about the nature of love.  You won’t believe the number of plot twists and while the ending might not be the most satisfying, it certainly fits with the outré thematic comportment of the film as a whole.  Undeniably idiosyncratic thematically with a lot of just plain weird stuff, but also including deeply personal character studies and some shrewd commentary on a number of subjects, including being good stewards of the Earth.  Interstellar doesn’t quite live up to the hype, but definitely has enough going for it to merit a solid three stars. – BETHANY

For more on this slightly bizarre space drama, visit the Internet Movie Database

Movie features lots of cool images like this one.

“We used to look up at the sky and wonder at our place in the stars. Now we just look down, and worry about our place in the dirt.”  – Cooper

“We’ve always defined ourselves by the ability to overcome the impossible. And we count these moments. These moments when we dare to aim higher, to break barriers, to reach for the stars, to make the unknown known. We count these moments as our proudest achievements. But we lost all that. Or perhaps we’ve just forgotten that we are still pioneers. And we’ve barely begun. And that our greatest accomplishments cannot be behind us, because our destiny lies above us.”  –  Cooper

It’s all about Cooper’s relationship with daughter Murphy (Mackenzie Foy).  Evidently he couldn’t care two pins about his son Tom.  (Timothée Chalamet and Casey Affleck, thanks to the dime differential.)  “After you kids came along, your mom, she said something to me I never quite understood. She said, “Now, we’re just here to be memories for our kids.” I think now I understand what she meant. Once you’re a parent, you’re the ghost of your children’s future.”

As a book lover, it’s deeply satisfying to have a book shelf play such a lynch pin role in the movie.

“When I was a kid, it seemed like they made something new every day. Some, gadget or idea, like every day was Christmas. But six billion people, just imagine that. And every last one of them trying to have it all. This world isn’t so bad. You’re the one who doesn’t belong. Born forty years too late, or forty years too early… My daughter knew it, God bless her. And your kids know it. Especially Murph.”  – Donald (John Lithgow)

Some spectacular visuals of The Endurance about to penetrate the event horizon of the wormhole.

    An oversimplification of the theory of wormholes.

A planet orbiting ‘Gargantua’, the somewhat asininely named black hole.

Jessica Chastain works to ‘Solve Gravity’.

“Very graceful.”  “No, but efficient”.  Landing on Miller’s planet.

The disappointing truth about Miller’s planet.  But think of the surfing possibilities!  ‘Dude, I went to ride the waves on Miller’s planet for a few months and when I got back, it was, like 10,080 years later!’

Matthew McConaughey, Anne Hathaway and David Gyasi.

The Rubix cube robot TARS (voiced by Bill Irwin) rushes in to save the day.  “Come on, TARS!”

Investigating a planet with frozen clouds.  This movie really would have been a killer viewed in IMAX.  That is, if you could sit still for three hours.

“Do not go gentle into that good night, Old age should rave and burn at close of day;  Rage, rage against the dying of the light.”  Michael Caine (Professor Brand) delivering a poem written by Dylan Thomas.

                                            Anne Hathaway as Dr. Amelia Brand.  “Cooper, you were thinking about getting home! I was trying to do the right thing!”

A rather blatant plot hole in the movie.  But who cares, because it looked awesome.

                Oh merciful heavens, now there are Lego Interstellar characters.  Such flagrant commercialism, not overpopulation and failing crops, might be the downfall of our civilization.

 

 

Photos courtesy of Paramount Pictures, Warner Bros., Legendary Pictures, Lynda Obst Productions and Syncopy (unless otherwise credited in clickable form)

 

 

The Astronaut Wives Club

This show is a powerhouse of fizzy fun mixed with drama and heartbreak, a scintillating look at the players whom the history books never mention, the wives.  Behind every great man you’ll usually find a greater woman and this is most definitely the case here.  These women are strong each in their own way, with their husbands occasionally jaunting into space as the glue that holds them together, à la  The Sisterhood of the Traveling Pants.  Dominique McElligott as Louise Shepard (wife of Alan Shepard) embodies the ideals of the era with great determination and any tiny urge to acknowledge unsightly emotion is quickly squelched.  It’s no joke when the other wives call her Queen Louise and the shot of her standing next to First Lady Jackie Kennedy (a nifty trick, if I may say!) shows the strong resemblance.  In contrast, Yvonne Strahovski plays Rene Carpenter, a bubbly blond bombshell whose platinum hair and lipstick conceal an extremely intelligent mind with her own sorrows and grief.

The focus of the show is on the seven unique marriages, which each operates in a completely different groove than the others and work with varying degrees of success, as well as the relationships between the wives.  Every one of these women isn’t quite what she appears to be, each damaged in some way but striving towards the goal of the American ideal.  Saying the show is moving is an understatement.  It will reach out and pull visceral reactions out of you, leaving you helpless to do anything but sit and experience their courage to carry on as well as the faulty steps that plague any normal human being.  Deeply personal tragedies, the secrets kept behind closed doors are what makes these women who they are.

Odette Annable plays Trudy Cooper, a wife who would rather be an astronaut herself and chafes at society’s restrictions regarding women.  She has her own reasons for being involved in the Wives Club, a very complicated character with an insensitive husband who is completely oblivious to the gender inequality of the times.  The sweetest couple has to be the Glenns.  Annie Glenn (Azure Parsons) is lovely and demure, her secret trial a terrible speech impediment.  Her husband, John Glenn (Sam Reid) loves her very much and the two of them support one another with such dreamy innocence, inspiring those around to protect them to a rather fierce degree.  I was drawn deep into the show within the first episode and was very glad I had three of them stacked up on Hulu to watch in order to furnish you with this review.  It’s a personal goal of mine to one day see our planet from space and thus was entranced hearing Scott Carpenter (Wilson Bethel) say “Being up there, it felt as — as close to heaven as I was ever going to get.”

And can I just say, the wardrobe department for this show should win many awards for their stellar work here.  The clothes, makeup and gorgeous set furnishings make this an addictive feast for the senses as well as the mind.  The spectacular dresses, the perfect hats, the hairstyles, the makeup jobs, and the shrewdly chosen music makes the world of The Astronaut Wives Club one you will happily fall into.  It captures the spirit of the times but does so in a subtle way, making it seem effortless but never stooping to the more obvious stereotypical fashion of the period because then they would be trying too hard.  This show is amazing, worth every single one of those five stars just for the first three episodes.  I’m an instant fan and will leave you with Louise’s words.  “We don’t know what our path will be or what toll this journey will take on each of us.  But we have to trust that it will be successful and if we ever feel lost, all we need to do is look around and see that we’re not traveling alone.”  – BETHANY

For more on this insanely attractive cast (seriously!), visit: The Internet Movie Database

Alan Shepard (Desmond Harrington) shows us early in the first episode that he is hardly the picture of a faithful husband.  The pretty little thing he’s with is not his wife.

Brigitte Bardot made the cover of LIFE magazine and not one of us?  I mean, one of our husbands?

                 As if!

                 Queen Louise Shepard and her husband, what’s his name?

Glued to the television when something goes terribly wrong on a mission.  Max Kaplan (far right, played by Luke Kirby) is the liaison for LIFE magazine.

                                                                 Rene Carpenter can’t help but stand out from the crowd, but she’s so oblivious to her own siren’s allure that she’s unassumingly friendly and not intimidating to the other wives.

                            But she certainly has the va-va-voom factor going for her.

Annie Glenn (Azure Parsons) and John Glenn (Sam Reid).

Annie (who looks fabulous in red) and Betty Grissom (played with heart and grace by JoAnna Garcia Swisher), getting ready for a ticker tape parade.

Louise, Jo Schirra (Zoe Boyle) and Marge Slayton (Erin Cummings).  I love the fashion on the show.  Classy and very 1960s, but never overdone.

The girl can’t help it, she lights up a room with her presence, making it all the more shocking when you learn of her secret tragedy that instantly moved me to tears.

And of course I never miss an opportunity for an appropriate cartoon.  This is one of my favorites from The Far Side by Gary Larson.

 

 

Photos courtesy of Fake Empire, Groundswell Productions, ABC Studios and ABC.  Cartoon credits can be found by clicking on it.

 

Where you can watch this show:  Hulu, ABC and YouTube to catch up, then watch on ABC on an actual television.  Or you can wait until Netflix has it available.  Sidereel is also a great resource for watching shows for free online.  Here’s a link for Amazon Prime and iTunes.

The Croods

A cute and surprisingly intelligent animated family movie!  Very funny and thoughtful, it is entertaining from start to finish with snappy dialogue and extremely creative visuals. I got a real kick out of all the completely made-up creatures that inhabit this neolithic world, especially the large cats and little lemur-mice type things connected by a single tail (which upon further research turns out are called ‘Trip Gerbils’). Heartwarming and sweet, it is largely about the relationship between young daughter Eep (voiced by Emma Stone) and her over-protective cave man father Grug (Nicolas Cage) who is cautious to a fault. The family dynamic is thrown for a loop when their world undergoes cataclysmic changes, destroying their cave home and forcing them to seek safety elsewhere. It is further complicated by the appearance of Guy, a slightly more creative thinker than the average cave man to whom Eep takes an instant shine, much to Grug’s consternation. There’s quite a lot of substance to the plot which makes it much more interesting than the usual animated fluff. I’m 35 and enjoyed it tremendously. Yes, of course there are some silly one-liners and similar, but they are kept to a minimum. I always love stories about relationships between fathers and daughters, a special bond that inevitably undergoes particular strain as the young girl grows into a woman. Grug is just so sincere and cares deeply about his family while Eep is a dreamer and constantly yearns for the unknown and adventure. Adorable and sweet but with enough spice to keep it from cloying, this film is wonderful and earns a solid four stars. Deeply satisfying and hopeful, I absolutely loved the way it ends and would like to see a sequel. Also be sure to watch to the end of the credits for a bonus scene. – BETHANY

For more on this fabulous family adventure, visit:  The Croods on IMDB

                     Clockwise from bottom left:  Thunk (Clark Duke), Grug (Nicolas Cage), baby Sandy (Randy Thom), Ugga (Catherine Keener), Guy (Ryan Reynolds), Eep (Emma Stone) and Gran (Cloris Leachman).

      Eep always reaches for the light and longs to explore uncharted territory.

The Croods on the hunt for breakfast, riding a Girelephant.

“Release the Baby!”

“I was in love once. He was a hunter, I was a gatherer. It was quite the scandal. We fed each other berries, we danced. Then father bashed him on the head and traded me to your grandfather.”

Guy and the Croods.  Spectacular scenery, no?

Pirahnakeets engulfing a Ground Whale.

The oh-so-adorable Mousephant.

                              The Bear Owl, Ursa Nocturna-Ocularis.

For more on these great creatures, usually a mash-up of ones familiar to us, visit: The Croods Wiki  Just be aware there may be spoilers in the descriptions.

Check out the facial expressions.  Eep kinda stands out.

“Tomorrow … A place with more suns in the sky than you can count … A place not like today, or yesterday. A place where things are better.”  – Guy

 

 

Photos courtesy of Dreamworks Animation and 20th Century Fox

 

Crossbones

This isn’t a terrible show by any means. It’s shot in gorgeous locations, has astonishingly detailed sets and costumes and features an avalanche of British acting talent as well as David Hoflin, a Swedish actor with an Eric Northman vibe (Yay!). The story is interesting but a great deal of the action is cerebral in nature, battles of wits, etc. The language employed in the dialogue is superb and I’m so pleased they do not underestimate the viewer’s acumen or vocabulary. But for all this show has going for it, its weak point is oddly enough its highest billed star John Malkovich. When he was younger, Malkovich was a master of playing scary smart villains (see Con Air) but as of late his talents have been blossoming in comedy (see the RED movies). He’s just better at being funny now, so his performance as the evil incarnate pirate Blackbeard makes the character seem a bit ridiculous. You shouldn’t ever be able to snicker at Blackbeard but it’s hard not to when Malkovich gives him an effeminate accent and tries to menace people with a head full of acupuncture needles.

Fortunately the real main character is not Blackbeard but Tom Lowe, a British agent of some sort on a mission from the Crown, posing as a surgeon to infiltrate Blackbeard’s island republic, Santa Compaña. The good doctor is played brilliantly by Richard Coyle and oh happy day, we also have Claire Foy playing the wife of an exiled Scottish nobleman. There’s a rich cast of characters like Nenna, a stunning woman who is also a cut-throat pirate and talented thief, and the somewhat inept surgeon’s assistant, Mr. Fletch. I also particularly enjoyed seeing Julian Sands as the vindictive William Jagger. Lots of plots and subplots are nicely juggled by the narrative and there’s enough of interest going on to keep me watching.

Unfortunately, a show about pirates implies plenty of action, but as I must reiterate, much of it in this one plays out in the minds of the two leads.  One character even points this out as Blackbeard and Lowe walk side by side on a beach, saying it may look like they’re not doing anything, but make no mistake, they’re two sharks circling each other.  But despite this attempt to “hang a lantern on it” (“A screenwriting device where special emphasis is put on an obvious narrative flaw, so as to render it invisible.” – http://hangalanternonit.blogspot.com/), doing so certainly doesn’t make the fault more entertaining.  Amongst the other characters there’s also lots of maneuvering and double-crosses, as well as not one but two very predictable love triangles.  The writers try to add interest by having everyone chasing after a mechanical device that would allow ships to “navigate this great emptiness with a precision never before known”, and thus avoid pirates like Blackbeard and other hazards.

I was four episodes in when I first wrote this and I’ll admit that I nearly gave up after the pilot. I only carried on out of morbid fascination and also because I hate it when people write reviews after only watching a single episode. Worthwhile but with quite a few flaws (such as historical inaccuracy and the aforementioned difficulty with the character of Blackbeard), this was cancelled after one season, so we’ll never know how it all turned out. – BETHANY

For more on Crossbones, visit: http://www.imdb.com/title/tt2400631/?ref_=nv_sr_1

Edward Teach, a.k.a. Blackbeard, as “Commodore” of a pirate republic.

*snicker*

Tom Lowe (Richard Coyle) and Mr. Fletch (Chris Perfetti).

Filming on location in Puerto Rico (image courtesy of http://www.thelocationguide.com)

What all the fuss is about.  It looks very steampunk, doesn’t it?

Yasmine Al Masri as Selima El Sharad, an agoraphobic scholar who seems to have a Stockholm syndrome relationship with Blackbeard.

Nenna Ajanlekoko (Tracy Ifeachor), who’s very quick to draw a blade.

Charlie Rider (David Hoflin, center), Blackbeard’s second in command.

                                                  Rose, one of Santa Compaña’s ladies of the night (played by Natalie Hoflin, real life spouse of David Hoflin, above).

Claire Foy as Kate Balfour.

Julian Sands as William Jagger.

I came to the small screen only to get cancelled?

Photos courtesy of P + M Image Nation, Mr. Cross, Universal Television and NBC

The Water Horse

Enchanting and imaginative, I’ve seen this delightful movie several times. Very much in the spirit of children’s classics like ‘The Chronicles of Narnia’ and ‘Alice in Wonderland’, this film breathes new life into Celtic legend. Set at the height of World War II in Scotland, aquaphobic young Angus MacMorrow finds something curious in a tide pool. And thus begins a wild ride of pure magic and heart, intercut with the tension and tragedy of the times. Alex Etel gives a beautiful performance as Angus, a boy who desperately misses his father who has vanished in the war. Emily Watson’s performance will break your heart as his mother, a woman struggling to be strong and raise two children alone while managing a Scottish lord’s estate. The story is complicated by the arrival of a regiment of soldiers assigned to defend the coast against U-boat incursion. Like in any respectable children’s story, most of the adults are unbelievably stupid and cause no end of trouble for Angus, complete with an annoying bulldog named Churchill (named no doubt in dubious honor of the Prime Minister). Very well done visuals and cinematography, and my special compliments on the wonderful swimming sequence under the Loch. This film sparkles and is sure to entertain persons of any age with a tale that speaks to the innocence and boundless imagination of childhood. A beautiful movie all around with a subject that is far from trite and a story that is sure to inspire and enthrall. – BETHANY

For more on this ‘legend of the deep’, visit: http://www.imdb.com/title/tt0760329/?ref_=nv_sr_1

                                          Angus and his tide pool prize.

        Emily Watson as Anne MacMorrow with Angus (Alex Etel).

Meet Crusoe, named after one of Angus’ favorite books.

We’re going to need a bigger bucket.

           Is this little guy cute or what?

Ben Chaplin as Lewis Mowbray, a handyman surprisingly well versed in Celtic legend.

Crusoe does not get on well with Churchill.

Alex and his sister Kirstie (Priyanka Xi) struggle to keep Crusoe a secret –

– which is difficult with an entire regiment of Royal Artillery troops littering the premises.  Captain Thomas Hamiltion (David Morrissey).

Crusoe is getting big.

Very big!

A boy and his Water Horse.

Up for a swim in the Loch?

Water Horse taxis bring you right back to the dock.

At this point, everyone in the theater gave a collective sigh.

The trailer, which shows the great swimming scene:

Photos courtesy of Revolution Studios, Walden Media, Beacon Pictures, Ecosse Films, Strike Entertainment, Weta Workshop and Columbia TriStar

All Is Lost

Maybe I wasn’t in the right frame of mind when I watched this movie, but I really didn’t care for it. Castaway was excellent and I hoped this one would be as good. Unfortunately I found it overly long and frankly boring. A little bit of narration or inner monologue would have helped a great deal because a lot of what went on made no sense to me. Anything to give Redford’s character a bit of context would have been an improvement. He’s so static he doesn’t even have a name, making it difficult for the audience to care about him. He also appears to be the most inept sailor on the planet and it seems almost Darwinian that he should be removed from the gene pool. I like Robert Redford as an actor, especially in The Sting, but after an hour of watching him bumble about doing one stupid thing after another, I started questioning my own opinion. I probably shouldn’t judge Redford too harshly as the poor guy had practically nothing to work with, script wise. At least Tom Hanks got to talk to a volleyball! There is supposedly an allegorical quality to the story, and the ambiguous ending might support that theory, but allegories shouldn’t be so dull they put the audience to sleep. I usually like minimalist understated movies but I just couldn’t connect with this one. My attention kept drifting (pardon the pun) and I was unable to suspend my awareness of time passing. I’m sure this film has much to recommend it but it just wasn’t for me. – BETHANY

This is the most excitement in the whole movie and it only lasts a few minutes.

If you remove the ‘ALL’ from this, you’d have it just about right.

Photos courtesy of Before the Door Pictures, Washington Square Films, Lionsgate and FilmNation Entertainment

How to Train Your Dragon 2

First of all, I adored the first How to Train Your Dragon movie, purchased the DVD and have watched it many times since. Dreamworks has a gift for making animated movies with genuine appeal for adults and How to Train your Dragon was right up there with all the incarnations of Shrek. So I was a bit nonplussed at the darker tone and more serious storyline in this second installment. Hiccup is growing up and while he’s still a loveable geek, he’s also a bit of an intrepid leader, much to the consternation and pride of his father, Stoick. The world around Berk has expanded, introducing new and sometimes nefarious characters, and the stakes are higher as a result. The themes of loyalty, family, trust and community are still present, but while the first movie flirted with what constituted a Happy Ending, this one breaks the tacit animated movie rule #1, Thou Shalt Have Everything Turn Out Perfectly In The End. But then I found out the director is doing a trilogy of How to Train Your Dragon movies and is trying to model them structurally on the classic Star Wars trilogy. Once I knew that, everything clicked into place and I understood. Like in The Empire Strikes Back, bad things, sometimes unthinkable things happen and the tone isn’t as lighthearted and full of one-liners as the original movie. But oddly enough, How to Train Your Dragon 2 isn’t as dramatic and moving as its predecessor. Part of the reason for this is the music, which is downright lackluster compared to the phenomenal score in the first movie. The vocal talent of the cast is superlative, and I particularly enjoyed Kit Harington’s performance (Eret) as well as Craig Ferguson’s reprise of the irrepressible Gobber. There’s lots to appreciate about this movie, but it just wasn’t as viscerally satisfying as the first one. There have been setbacks for our heroes, but I fully expect a triumphant conclusion in the third movie. All in all, highly enjoyable and definitely worth a solid four stars. – BETHANY

For more on the Dragon Riders of Berk, visit: http://www.imdb.com/title/tt1646971/?ref_=nv_sr_1

The world of Berk.

Stoick the Vast is still, er, stoic.  (Gerard Butler)

Astrid (America Ferrera) riding Stormfly.

Way to go, Astrid!  Nab the guy when he’s nerdy and he grows up to be hot.

Well, that’s not freaky or anything …

Hiccup (Jay Baruchel) and Toothless investigate the ice formation.

Kit Harrington as Jon Snow in Game of Thrones and as Eret, a disreputable and canny pirate in How to Train Your Dragon 2.  (image found at pixshark.com)

That’s a lot of dragons.

Eeeeek.  I don’t suppose those things are vegetarian…

Toothless makes a dragon friend.

Craig Ferguson and his character, Gobber.  (image found at imgkid.com)

Photos courtesy of DreamWorks Animation, Mad Hatter Entertainment and 20th Century Fox (unless otherwise noted)

Anaconda

“When you can’t breathe, you can’t scream.” If I didn’t know better, I’d swear this was an original movie from the Syfy channel, on par with Sharknado. It’s one of those movies that is so very bad it’s fun to watch. The first time I saw the snake I burst out laughing and continued to laugh my way through the whole thing. The film opens to beautiful vistas of sunsets accompanied by a peaceful pan flute. How very zen, but obviously not for long as things soon take a sinister turn. I found it amusing to look at the establishing shots of the ensemble cast and try to pinpoint which one of them would eat it, or in this case, be eaten, first. Jon Voight delivers a great performance as a deranged and completely unhinged poacher obsessed with capturing the world’s largest snake. He insinuates himself in with a crew headed by skeezy scientist Dr. Cale (Eric Stoltz) on a somewhat pompous mission to study a lost Amazonian tribe.

With lots of twisty vertigo-inducing shots as well as the ubiquitous cheap trick of keeping the camera at water level, the movie attempts to keep the viewer off balance while watching characters do one amazingly stupid thing after another. Owen Wilson was absolutely wasted, but Ice Cube contributed quite a bit of decent comic relief and of course, there’s an obnoxious British guy who you’re just itching to see get munched. The real let down here is the snake itself. Who thought it was a good idea to have the thing drool? There were a couple of real ewwww moments, including an impromptu but totally unnecessary tracheotomy and a “gullet cam” bit where we see the snake swallowing someone from the inside. I thought this movie was a scream, but not in a scary way. Utterly ridiculous and relentlessly absurd, I really did enjoy it but if you’re wanting genuine chills and thrills, look elsewhere. – BETHANY

For more on all this silliness, visit the Internet Movie Database

Before things go horribly wrong.

Oh look, things have gone horribly wrong.

Clockwise from upper left:  Owen Wilson, Jonathan Hyde, Eric Stoltz, Kari Wuhrer, Ice Cube and Vincent Castellanos.

                You might want to get out of the water, people.

Is it just me or does the snake have the same expression as Ice Cube?

I’m sorry, I know this is meant to be a serious movie, but this shot is hilarious.

Yes, this looks like a reliable vessel for venturing into the Amazon …

Jennifer Lopez and Ice Cube – do you really care about their characters’ names?  Also, why do these people keep getting in the water?

Owen Wilson and Jon Voight.

             Goodness gracious, great flaming giant anaconda!

Photos courtesy of Cinema Line Film Corporation, Columbia Pictures Corporation, Iguana Producciones, Middle Fork Productions, Skylight Cinema Foto Art, St. Tropez Films and Columbia Pictures (unless otherwise creditedin clickable form)

Blackfish

This is yet another of my reviews that I’ve had to repeatedly re-post on Netflix.  There seems to be an all out war going on with this film and those in the ‘down with Seaworld’ camp are willing to use unfair tactics to make sure the opposition’s voice is not heard.  I felt so strongly about the issue I actually wrote two reviews, the second of which I will include here as well.  I’d love to get some feedback from readers on this issue and I’d be happy to discuss the issue at length, so please leave a comment whether you agree with me, disagree or simply wasn’t moved one way or the other.  Right, on to my first review.

This “documentary” has a serious axe to grind against Sea World and only relates information that bolsters its own biased ideology. Massively slanted, this tells the story of a single orca, which is hardly a fair look at the issue of killer whales in captivity. Anyone who has ever been to one of Sea World’s parks says the experience was a positive one that inspired and brought new awareness about marine life. Even the few disgruntled former employees showcased say the same thing, that seeing such magnificent creatures up close and personal changed them. I do agree that with the information we have now, it is wrong to take Orcas out of the wild, but it’s important to note that when marine parks were first acquiring killer whales in the 70s, little was known about their social bonds. Yes, mistakes were made but hindsight is always 20/20.

This documentary focuses solely on Tilikum and yet glosses over the fact that he may have been screwed up psychologically by a park in Canada, not Sea World. It pushes all the right buttons guaranteed to fill the viewer with righteous indignation, but notice there is only one token voice of opposition and he is made to look foolish by means of creative editing. The orcas at Sea World are ambassadors for their brethren in the wild, constantly adding to our understanding of the species. The organization is dedicated to caring for all marine life, supports conservation and scientific education and advancement, rather than being the callous greedy corporation portrayed in Blackfish. Also, state governments mandate the returning of Seaworld’s animals into the wild.  This means that if the government deems an animal fit to survive in the wild, Seaworld is required by law to do so.

On the flip side, if the government says releasing an animal would be tantamount to a death sentence, Seaworld must keep the animal, even if they disagree with the state’s ruling.  So for those clamoring to release the orcas right this second, your anger should be directed at the government, not Seaworld.  This is a hyper-emotional piece of slanderous propaganda and should be taken with a gigantic grain of salt, if at all. It’s obvious from the generally self-righteous reactions to Blackfish online that some have regrettably swallowed the pablum being served by this film and now feel qualified to sit in judgement of Sea World. Movies with agendas this obvious should come with warning labels for the gullible. – BETHANY

Here’s my second review:

First of all, I am in no way affiliated with Seaworld and my opinions are solely my own. I say this right up front, because many people on Netflix accused me of having been paid by Seaworld to write a review supporting them, calling my review a “plant”.  This film is a blatant hatchet job aimed at Seaworld, taking advantage of a tragic event to further its own ideology. Of course, with the information we have now (courtesy of places like Seaworld),  it is now quite illegal to take orcas out of the wild, unless it is injured or in need of assistance, in which case Seaworld moves the afflicted creature to one of their parks to receive veterinary care and rehabilitation, with the hope it can eventually be released back into the wild.  If the government deems any animal in Seaworld’s care to be able to survive in the wild, Seaworld is required by law to release them, so to those clamoring to ‘free the whales’, doing so would be a death sentence. And if you want to protest and boycott something, target the people actually in control.

Orcas are highly intelligent and social creatures but are capable of forming bonds with humans as well as their own kind. I grew up in Florida and our family had season passes to Seaworld. My father was an ER doctor working in an Orlando hospital and looked after many Seaworld trainers who’d been injured on the job. They’d have a scrape on the leg that needed stitches after the whale had accidentally bumped them into the side of the pool, or some other incidental wound that required treatment but was in no way serious. They knew the risks that came with the territory, but loved what they did so much that to them, the element of danger was negligible. Bear in mind that the “shocking” statistics in this film, of 70+ attacks on humans by killer whales in captivity, includes all those accidental injuries. If the whale jumped slightly off and brushed against the trainer on the way down, that counts as an “attack”.

There has NEVER been a documented instance of Orcas deliberately attacking humans in the wild and only four fatalities with captive killer whales, three of which involved Tilikum. He’s the exception to the rule and it is scientifically unsound to use one lone example to try and prove a point. Orcas have emotions and personalities much like people and are quite capable of lashing out in anger or frustration and because they are so powerful the end result might be more than what was intended. Since this entire film seems designed to make people want all the Orcas released into the wild, I found it rather telling that nowhere in the film does it mention Seaworld itself doesn’t have that power, but rather state governments control whether to release an animal into the wild or keep it in captivity on a case by case basis.  Seaworld does an excellent job of learning from its mistakes, so don’t judge them too harshly.

The Internet Movie Database page on this movie

Here are three excellent sites addressing the most common misconceptions regarding Blackfish:

Awesome Ocean

My San Antonio:  Trainers dispute Blackfish

Skeptoid – Blackfish – Documentary or Propaganda?

The trainers at Seaworld love the Orcas so much!

Seeing this magnificent creatures up close is life changing.

 

 

Photos courtesy of CNN Films, Manny O. Productions and Magnolia Pictures (unless otherwise credited in clickable form)