Interstellar

‘Mankind was born on Earth.  It was never meant to die here.’  Overpopulation and a ferocious blight attacking crops is driving humanity ever closer to extinction.  Matthew McConaughey plays Cooper, a farmer like everyone else, but also an ex-NASA pilot and engineer.  Their world now resembles the 1930’s Depression era dust bowl, with drab clothing and utilitarian farmhouses.  While society regresses technologically, there are a few who realize the salvation of mankind isn’t on Earth but out in the stars.  Once again, it’s the ‘NASA saves the day’ cliché, but since I wholeheartedly support the space program, I don’t mind one bit.  Interstellar is a rather magnificent combination of incredible cinematography and a lot of cool real scientific stuff, and a story of family and what makes us human.  Like 2001: A Space Odyssey, with which there are a lot of parallels, you will most likely love it or hate it.  I’m one of the few who fell right in the middle, able to appreciate all the good qualities in director Christopher Nolan‘s work, but still conscious of the stretches in logic and other faults.

Interstellar has undeniably spectacular visual effects, but it is exceedingly long.  With a run time of almost three hours, I did find myself checking the clock quite a bit.  It’s highly appropriate that the space vessel is called The Endurance, because it’s a trait you will need to get through the overly long and dare I say it, bloated film.  The most I can tell you about the plot is it involves a space mission to find other habitable worlds in order to save the human race.  Pretty much anything else is a spoiler.  Matthew McConaughey, Anne Hathaway, a walking Rubix cube wise-cracking robot and a few red shirt extras, including Seneca Crane from The Hunger Games (Wes Bentley, unfortunately minus the crazy beard), set out via a convenient wormhole on a quest designed to assault you with dumbed down but valid science, and copious quantities of stunning visual effects.  The whole movie is a paradox with most everything eventually tied up in a neat bow, so be prepared for a lot of mind bending stuff as well as some rather ridiculous plot devices (the solution to everything is “solving gravity”?  And what was up with that bit resembling that Doctor Who episode The Girl in the Fireplace?)

Despite the annoying absurdities, there are quite a few marvelous things about Interstellar that I must acknowledge.  The cast is beyond impressive with the aforementioned stars as well as Michael Caine, Jessica Chastain, Matt Damon, Ellen Burstyn, John Lithgow, Casey Affleck and Topher Grace.  The soundtrack is wicked, with a nice use of pipe organ and I especially liked the subtle tick-tock motif used on the water planet to illustrate the urgency of time passing.  I might actually forgive composer Hans Zimmer for the Gladiator incident, wherein he failed to give credit to Gustav Holst after blatantly ripping off Mars: The Bringer of War from the collection The Planets.  With highly charged emotional content, many tangents regarding high-minded philosophy, quantum science, metaphysics and other conundrums, my personal favorite was a fascinating discussion about the nature of love.  You won’t believe the number of plot twists and while the ending might not be the most satisfying, it certainly fits with the outré thematic comportment of the film as a whole.  Undeniably idiosyncratic thematically with a lot of just plain weird stuff, but also including deeply personal character studies and some shrewd commentary on a number of subjects, including being good stewards of the Earth.  Interstellar doesn’t quite live up to the hype, but definitely has enough going for it to merit a solid three stars. – BETHANY

For more on this slightly bizarre space drama, visit the Internet Movie Database

Movie features lots of cool images like this one.

“We used to look up at the sky and wonder at our place in the stars. Now we just look down, and worry about our place in the dirt.”  – Cooper

“We’ve always defined ourselves by the ability to overcome the impossible. And we count these moments. These moments when we dare to aim higher, to break barriers, to reach for the stars, to make the unknown known. We count these moments as our proudest achievements. But we lost all that. Or perhaps we’ve just forgotten that we are still pioneers. And we’ve barely begun. And that our greatest accomplishments cannot be behind us, because our destiny lies above us.”  –  Cooper

It’s all about Cooper’s relationship with daughter Murphy (Mackenzie Foy).  Evidently he couldn’t care two pins about his son Tom.  (Timothée Chalamet and Casey Affleck, thanks to the dime differential.)  “After you kids came along, your mom, she said something to me I never quite understood. She said, “Now, we’re just here to be memories for our kids.” I think now I understand what she meant. Once you’re a parent, you’re the ghost of your children’s future.”

As a book lover, it’s deeply satisfying to have a book shelf play such a lynch pin role in the movie.

“When I was a kid, it seemed like they made something new every day. Some, gadget or idea, like every day was Christmas. But six billion people, just imagine that. And every last one of them trying to have it all. This world isn’t so bad. You’re the one who doesn’t belong. Born forty years too late, or forty years too early… My daughter knew it, God bless her. And your kids know it. Especially Murph.”  – Donald (John Lithgow)

Some spectacular visuals of The Endurance about to penetrate the event horizon of the wormhole.

    An oversimplification of the theory of wormholes.

A planet orbiting ‘Gargantua’, the somewhat asininely named black hole.

Jessica Chastain works to ‘Solve Gravity’.

“Very graceful.”  “No, but efficient”.  Landing on Miller’s planet.

The disappointing truth about Miller’s planet.  But think of the surfing possibilities!  ‘Dude, I went to ride the waves on Miller’s planet for a few months and when I got back, it was, like 10,080 years later!’

Matthew McConaughey, Anne Hathaway and David Gyasi.

The Rubix cube robot TARS (voiced by Bill Irwin) rushes in to save the day.  “Come on, TARS!”

Investigating a planet with frozen clouds.  This movie really would have been a killer viewed in IMAX.  That is, if you could sit still for three hours.

“Do not go gentle into that good night, Old age should rave and burn at close of day;  Rage, rage against the dying of the light.”  Michael Caine (Professor Brand) delivering a poem written by Dylan Thomas.

                                            Anne Hathaway as Dr. Amelia Brand.  “Cooper, you were thinking about getting home! I was trying to do the right thing!”

A rather blatant plot hole in the movie.  But who cares, because it looked awesome.

                Oh merciful heavens, now there are Lego Interstellar characters.  Such flagrant commercialism, not overpopulation and failing crops, might be the downfall of our civilization.

 

 

Photos courtesy of Paramount Pictures, Warner Bros., Legendary Pictures, Lynda Obst Productions and Syncopy (unless otherwise credited in clickable form)

 

 

The DUFF

“For generations of high schoolers, you could only be a jock, a geek, a princess, a bully or a basket case.  But times have changed.  Jocks play video games.  Princesses are on antidepressants.  And geeks basically run the country.  I thought we were living in a brave new world, a place without labels.  But every so often, there’s that one moment in high school that changes your perspective on everything.”  Just when you thought high school couldn’t get any more like some sort of vicious social media-fueled gauntlet designed to humiliate and cause untold grief to nearly everyone, a new label pops up.  Introducing ‘The DUFF’, or Designated Ugly Fat Friend.  You might have hoped teenagers couldn’t get any meaner, but now they’re smearing horrible labels not just on their enemies, but their friends.  According to the Principal (Romany Malco), “It’s like a prison yard out there!”  Mae Whitman stars as Bianca, a whip smart, sardonic and saucy member of a trio of friends.  But her whole world is ripped apart when a childhood frenemy, Wesley (Robbie Ammell) offhandedly tells her she’s a Duff.  When the scales fall from her eyes, she realizes he’s right and takes immediate action by committing the ultimate act of severing ties in the digital age – she *gasp* unfriends and blocks Casey and Jess on pretty much every social media platform you can think of.

Now all alone, she seeks help from Wesley.  They grew up together and although their relationship is slightly antagonistic, underneath it all they really are friends with close bonds built up over many years.  Bianca asks Wesley for help to ‘un-duff’ her and coach her how to get her dream guy, Toby (Nick Eversman).  In exchange, she’ll help him pass a science class so he won’t lose his scholarship.  Thus begins a My Fair Lady-esque adventure that is extremely well written and thoughtful.  The writing is exquisite, witticisms racing past and exquisite badinage done with such easy nonchalance that it was a very great pleasure to watch.  This is not your ordinary teen drivel – like Bianca herself, it is shrewd, masterfully adroit, shrouding rather profound things under the guise of bright and effortless banter that shows an extraordinary command of the English language.  The eloquence, fluency in idiom and lingo, and exquisite phrasing was like catnip to my English Major soul.  Superlative performances from some very talented actors and even if the language occasionally sinks into profanity, it all seemed organic and necessary.  It’s wonderful to see Bianca take charge of the situation and be proactive in doing something about it, influenced by her mother (Allison Janney) who has built an empire helping women get through difficult situations, inspired by her own ugly divorce.  Despite the horrific digital barrages and bombardment by Wesley’s pseudo girlfriend Madison (Bella Thorne), Bianca presses on, essentially making the movie a master class in self esteem, true friendship and how to survive high school.

This is no ordinary hokey teen drama about the perils and pitfalls of high school.  It has a positive message and is chock full of fabulous dialogue to boot.  It makes important observations about having confidence in yourself, cyber bullying and what it means to come of age in the digital age.  It weaves crushing despair, horrifying meanness and effervescent joy into a spellbinding tale with an important message for today’s youth.  I see myself in many of these characters, making the whole story resonate with my own experiences.  It also makes it clear that while you can improve yourself, it’s important to still be you.  You needn’t be a clone of what you think is the ideal, you just need to be the best version of yourself and never abandon the wonderful quirks, idiosyncrasies and even flaws that make you special.  Really a marvelous and very satisfying movie and I think I’m going to need to watch it again before I sent it back.  Teen fluff this is not and stay turned during the credits for some very funny outtakes.  There’s some deep philosophy at play as well as some enlightening observations about life.  “In the end, it isn’t about popularity or even getting the guy.  It’s about understanding that no matter what label is thrown your way, only you can define yourself.” – BETHANY

For more information on this surprisingly sophisticated movie, visit the Internet Movie Database

Left to right:  Madison (Bella Thorne) Bianca (Mae Whitman) Wesley (Robbie Ammell), Jess (Skyler Samuels) and Casey (Bianca A. Santos).

The happy trio of Jess (Skylar Samuels), Casey (Bianca A. Santos) and Bianca (Mae Whitman).  Must have been odd having two Biancas on set.

                                        Madison (Bella Thorne), plotting another salvo with that dratted phone of hers.  This character is a far cry from her gentle performance in Blended.

                             Ken Jeong delivers a hilarious performance as a slightly bonkers Mr. Arthur, a neurotic teacher who unerringly skewers the entire proceedings with his over-the-top antics.

“I’m tired of being the approachable one. I want to be the dateable one.”

Let the makeover begin,  a fun experience fueled by a long term easy friendship.

All so Bianca can get this guy (Nick Eversman).  Toby plays the guitar and everything!  ” Look, I have a crush on this boy. His name is Toby Tucker. Maybe you’ve heard of him. Well, I can’t seem to talk to him without making a total ass of myself, okay? And you never seem to have this problem.”

Are you kidding?  You want me to wear this?  Not happening.

Trying on different looks.  I don’t think this one is a winner.

After scoring a date with Toby, accompanied by the Hallelujah Chorus.

Owning your Duffness and and holding on to true friendships.

 

 

Photos courtesy of CBS Films, Vast Entertainment, Wonderland Sound and Vision and Lionsgate (unless otherwise credited in clickable form)

The Mortal Instruments: City of Bones

When I first watched this movie, I had no idea it was based on a YA series of books by Cassandra Clare. Therefore I was able to weigh its merits objectively instead of comparing it to the original story. This wasn’t a bad thing, because we all know books turned into screenplays often suffer in transition and once I’d read the books (which are VERY good), I found this one wasn’t just in a little pain, it was in agony. They got many, many things wrong, but the big one is the movie gives away a major plot twist that isn’t resolved until the fourth book. Who does that?!  It would be like having someone tell you a critical piece of information about Bruce Willis’ character at the beginning of The Sixth Sense.  Or worse, knowing who Keyser Söze is at the beginning of The Usual Suspects.  (See how I carefully chose my words so as not to actually make them spoilers in case you, as the reader, haven’t seen those movies yet?  You’re welcome.  But seriously?  You need to watch both those movies immediately.)  All that aside, the film was interesting enough to get me to read the books, which is always a good thing.

The story is an inventive spin on the genre of paranormal young adult fiction, starring a half-human, half-angel race of ‘Shadowhunters’, whose sole purpose is to protect humanity by policing the supernatural world and slaying demons.  Clary (Lily Collins) is a normal girl living with her mother (Lena Headey) in New York when she starts to see strange things that other people evidently can’t. People who are invisible to others, signs and symbols no one else can see, and even a violent murder at a club where she is the only witness in a crowded room.  And thus the supernatural world takes an interest in Clary, drawing her into a realm of vampires, fairies, werewolves, demons, angels and magic.  By way of explanation, the Shadowhunters say “All the stories are true.”

It’s the classic good vs. evil paradigm, but with enough ambiguity all around to make it interesting. In the books, the characters are well drawn and the dialogue is witty, even often darkly funny. Not so much in the movie, but there are excellent visual effects, gorgeous sets and some well-crafted scares. Judged solely on its own, this gothic romantic thriller is just plain cool. True, it was a little confusing and unclear about certain plot elements (such as Clary’s mysterious power with runes), but once I read the books, it all made much more sense. Casting Jamie Campbell Bower as gorgeous golden boy Jace Weyland was perhaps not the best choice, but that is just my personal aesthetic opinion. This was a decent introduction to the book series and I’ll be interested to see if they make more of them into movies. – BETHANY

For more on this movie with a very long title, visit the Internet Movie Database

Clary (Lily Collins) and Simon (Robert Sheehan) before things take a turn for the supernatural.

Normally invisible shadowhunters Isabelle (Jemima West), Alec (Kevin Zegers) and Jace (Jamie Campbell Bower) realize they have been seen.

Clary’s best friend Simon (Robert Sheehan).  Being classified as a mundane has to be kind of insulting.

Clary and downstairs neighbor Dorothea (CCH Pounder).

Jonathan Rhys Meyers as Valentine Morgenstern.  It might just be worth watching this movie just to see him in his tight leather ensemble.

Warlock Magnus Bane (Godfrey Gao), whose loyalties are a mystery but who definitely throws a great party.

Isabelle helps Clary get ready for a party at Magnus Bane’s in order for Clary to ask him for help.  “If you go looking like your mundane self we won’t get within 100 feet of Magnus Bane. He’s the High Warlock of Brooklyn.”

Clary getting a tour of the Institute, guided by Hodge (Jared Harris), stop at the statue of the Angel Raziel, whom legend says created the Shadowhunters.

On a mission to save Simon from the vampires, who took him from Magnus Bane’s party.

Where things almost immediately go wrong, thus Isabelle and the flame thrower.

Clary and Jace seek out answers in the City of Bones, watched over by the Silent Brothers.

             Clary seems to have a mystical connection with runes and can even create new ones when need be.

But when this is what you’re fighting, I say go with the super runes!

Some of the Shadowhunter runes.

 

Photos courtesy of, Constantin Film Produktion, Unique Features, Mr. Smith Productions, Don Carmody Productions and Screen Gems (unless otherwise credited in clickable form)

 

 

The Producers

I watched this movie knowing absolutely nothing about it but what was in the blurb on Netflix, and therefore went into it with a completely open mind. It turns out this is a desirable quality in order to enjoy it, as this is Broadway getting the full treatment from comedian and satirist Mel Brooks. Nathan Lane and Matthew Broderick are hysterically funny as a singularly untalented producer and a slightly unhinged (“Unhappy!”) accountant who team up to co-produce the worst Broadway show possible so they can pocket the investors’ money after it flops. The worst play, guaranteed to offend absolutely everyone, is written by Not-A-Nazi-At-All Franz Liebkind, played by Will Ferrell who absolutely kills it as the “teutonic twit”. They find the worst director, the worst cast, the worst everything, including hiring Uma Thurman’s dim bulb character Ulla, whose intentionally over-the-top Swedish accent fades in and out throughout the film (very funny!).

Just to be clear, this entire movie is meant to be a spoof of Broadway musicals, especially the enormous song-and-dance films of the 1950s. It’s full of extremely quotable lines (“May I take your hat, your coat, and your swastikas?”), but a word of caution. If you don’t enjoy in-your-face gay humor, this movie won’t be your cup of tea. There’s a lot of blatant innuendo, much like in The Birdcage, (also starring Nathan Lane) and I wouldn’t recommend this movie for children despite its deceptively innocuous PG-13 rating. Lane and Broderick in particular give masterful performances as human cartoons, with all the silliness and slapstick humor of the Tom & Jerry show. My personal favorite cameo was John Barrowman (Doctor Who, Torchwood, Arrow) as a bleach-blonde, goose-stepping Nazi, actually singing very well in “Springtime for Hitler”. This entire movie was a farce from start to finish, as it was intended, and I loved every ridiculous minute of it. – BETHANY

For more on this hilarious movie, visit the Internet Movie Database

“Do I smell the revolting stench of self-esteem?”  Jon Lovitz as Mr. Marks.

                    “Broadway!” I haven’t been so happy since we crushed Poland!”  Franz Liebkind (Will Ferrell), Max Bialystock (Nathan Lane) and Leo Bloom (Matthew Broderick).

Uma Thurman nails the va-va-voom of Ulla.  “My name is Ulla Inka Hanson Benson Yanson Tallen Hallen Swadon Swanson.”

                                “Silly hysterical screaming queen[s].”  Roger DeBris (Gary Beach) and Carmen Ghia (Roger Bart).

Leo “Let’s assume for a moment, that you are a dishonest man.”  Max “Assume away!”

Part of the actual show.  It’s so funny I don’t want to ruin it for you by giving away a spoiler.

                                 “And so the rule is, when mounting a… play. Keep it gay, keep it gay, keep it gay.”

                           John Barrowman as the Lead Tenor.

 

This is a clip from the original Broadway show with many of the same cast members.  Caution:  spoilers!

 

Photos courtesy of Universal Pictures, Columbia Pictures Corporation and Brooksfilms

Big Hero 6

Disney goes anime with this charming film about the relationship between a gifted young boy and a medical companion robot, Baymax.  Since the setting is already a fusion of San Francisco and Tokyo (San Fransokyo), it won’t be surprising that the story is a bit of a mash-up of Real Steel, The Matrix, TRON, Iron Man, WALL-E, The Iron Giant and The Incredibles, plus a soupçon of Stargate.  But whatever, we’re in a comic book-inspired future, so pretty much anything goes.  Hiro Hamada, a tech prodigy, is wasting his talents on robot fighting (despite the fact that he wins a lot of money doing so).  At least, according to Hiro’s older brother, Tadashi.  So in a slightly sneaky move, Tadashi takes Hiro to ‘nerd school’, where he meets Tadashi’s friends and fellow nerds.  After basking in Nerdvana for a while, Hiro decides he absolutely must enroll as a student and thus begins the adventure.

It’s an imaginative and fun story, spiked with tragedy and loss that keeps the characters real and and accentuates the journey Baymax makes as he learns to understand humans.  Full of car chases, flying, a freaky villain, some very cool tech, the birth of super heroes and more, it also subtly underscores the process of handling grief and moving on with your life.  Tadashi built Baymax to be as non-threatening as possible, a robot that looks like an overinflated marshmallow.  He’s utterly adorable, waddling around trying to be helpful, a giant squeak toy.  So in order to right a wrong, naturally Hiro decides to transform him into a battle bot, complete with an Iron Man suit.  Why do movies have to take soft loveable robots and turn them into warriors?  I would have liked the story better if Baymax had learned to use his own skills to help instead of getting armor and learning martial arts à la The Matrix by simply downloading it from a chip.  But I do have to admit all the sweet gadgetry he gets is pretty awesome.

This isn’t anywhere near as good as Wreck-It Ralph or any given Dreamworks/Pixar movie, but it is entertaining and not overly saccharine.  I liked the comic book vibe with the sci-fi spin and the visuals, particularly of the city, are breathtaking.  The soundtrack was excellent and I really appreciated the way the script elegantly explored ethics, morals, emotions and what it really means to be a hero.  Parts of this movie will make you reach for a box of tissues and others will induce a smile so big it hurts your face.  One tiny nitpick is the title of the movie won’t make sense until the very end, but be sure to watch through the credits, as they’re riddled with epilogue type stuff and a few extra scenes.  I’ve never seen an animated children’s movie handle such difficult issues like grief, loss, anger, revenge and empathy with such finesse.  With an ending perfectly set up for sequels, perhaps there will be more of them.  Big Hero 6 is funny, engaging and thoughtful with a great message about being yourself, chasing your dreams and caring for the people around you and thus earns a solid three stars.             – BETHANY

For more on Big Hero Six, visit the Internet Movie Database

Wasabi (Damon Wayans Jr.), Honey Lemon (Genesis Rodriguez), Hiro (Ryan Potter), Baymax (Scott Adsit), Gogo Tomago (Jamie Chung) and Fred (T.J. Miller).

Hiro’s older brother, Tadashi (Daniel Henney)

Robert Callahan (James Cromwell) and Alistair Krei (Alan Tudyk): friends, colleagues, rivals, or enemies?

Hiro and Baymax getting ready to search for answers.

Answers in regards to this guy, who is obviously a super villain.

                            Aunt Cass, voiced by Maya Rudolph.

The Big Hero Six.

I dare you not to fall in love with this lovable huggable robot.

Does this suit make my butt look big?

You can always trust a robot who is kind to animals.

Tadashi’s lab, colloquially known as ‘Nerd School’.

Set in a Japanese fusion version of San Francisco, which is now San Fransokyo.  Not sure which Catholic saint had that name, but hey, it’s anime.

The Japanification of the Golden Gate bridge was my favorite.  Subtle, but cool!

 

 

Photos courtesy of Walt Disney Animation Studios and Walt Disney Pictures

Better Than Chocolate

I wasn’t sure what to expect from this movie, but I found it surprisingly refreshing and extremely funny. There are characters all over the orientation spectrum, from gays, lesbians and transgenders to straight and one very special “omnisexual”, who was hilarious. Maggie (Karyn Dwyer) has recently moved out on her own to the big city and has also come out of the closet.  She has a community of friends, works at a lesbian book shop and is just starting a relationship with a pretty girl she meets.  But everything is thrown for a loop when the family, who don’t know her secret, unexpectedly come to visit.  I am a straight conservative married woman, just for the record, and I really liked this movie. The story was light and engaging, while at the same time dealing with the realities of life when you don’t fit the society-approved mold. It was a celebration of love in all its forms, joyful, hopeful and sometimes painful.

I really enjoyed seeing the accepting nature of the LGBT community, where anything goes and you can let your true self out to play without fear of rejection. But oddly enough, just as that thought crossed my mind, a butch lesbian took violent exception to a transgender character using the ladies room, giving proof to the sad fact that prejudice isn’t confined to any one issue or group. The tragic aspect of the story is beautifully balanced with unexpected humor, with the paint throwing scene and a character discovering the joys of vibrators springing to mind. Of course, clichés are present, such as the repressed woman wearing a string of pearls with absolutely everything and occasionally clutching them in horror, but they were kept to a minimum. The love scenes were tasteful and dreamily romantic, in no way tawdry or exploitative. I laughed myself sick over the “I’m not a [insert expletive here] drag queen” song; it was witty and understated while tapping into something serious. Really lovely, enlightening and thought provoking, I give this beautiful film a solid four stars. – BETHANY

For more on Better Than Chocolate, visit the Internet Movie Database

                             Kim (Christina Cox) and Maggie (Karyn Dwyer).

Whatever else you may think about them, gay clubs always have the best floor shows.

              Transgender woman Judy (Peter Outerbridge) and Carla (Marya Delver).

                  Ann-Marie MacDonald as bookstore owner Frances.

                                   Judy and Maggie’s mother, Lila (Wendy Crewson).  “I read a study and after the age of forty a woman’s chances of having sex are diminished by eighty percent. SO, after fifty, God help you. And since I probably won’t be having sex again, chocolate is the only pleasure left for me.”

               Kim (Christina Cox).

                                                                          “Jesus loves you!” “Oh, thank you.  So, do you think we’ve gotten “Die, dyke, die” off the sidewalk?”

 

Photos courtesy of British Columbia Film, CITY-TV, Government of British Columbia Film Incentive BC Program, The Harold Greenberg Fund, The Movie Network, Rave Film Rogers Telefund, Téléfilm Canada, WIC Entertainment and Trimark Home Video (unless otherwise credited in clickable form)

Into the Woods

Watch this only if A) you thought the Hugh Jackman version of Les Misérables was the best thing ever, or B) you want to see Disney stomp all over the classic fairy tales you loved as a kid.  This is dire, with absolutely no redeeming features, a mash-up of Cinderella, Rapunzel, Jack & the Beanstalk and Little Red Riding Hood, and is also, for some reason, a musical.  I’m shocked that so many big Hollywood names got dragged into it.  Now I don’t have anything against musicals in general, but I do like the songs to either move the story forward in some way, be clever, witty or at the very least, funny.  Regrettably, these are boring, dissonant, completely stop the action (one of Cinderella’s inane songs actually stops time and you’ll feel the same while you wait for this to be over) and worse, don’t even have the nerve to get stuck in your head.  They seem pointless except to show off how well the lyricist can rhyme and if you ask me, that’s a terrible reason for a musical.  Outside of a specific song, is there any point to having characters sing their lines instead of speaking them like a normal person other than to annoy the audience?

With a run time of over two hours, it’s a huge overly bloated “story” that seems to exist for no other purpose than to show how you could theoretically attach all of the fairy tales to one another.  If that had resulted in something even remotely interesting, I would have been OK with it, but all it did was make a big mess and ruin the Happily Ever Afters.  Chris Pine even added insult to injury by infusing his performance as Prince Charming with his best William Shatner impression – maybe it was a delayed reaction to playing Captain Kirk.  Because there were so many stories trying to be told, there is practically no character development and as a result, you care very little what happens to any of them.  Anna Kendrick plays a Cinderella inspired by some of the older versions of the fairy tale, which could have been great but instead but comes across as a wishy-washy twit who keeps inexplicably running away from the Prince.  Granted, the William Shatner Prince Charming would make me run away too, but that isn’t the point.  Emily Blunt and James Corden play a village baker and his wife who make a deal with Meryl Streep‘s witch in order to have a child.  Little Red Riding Hood is a petty thief and Johnny Depp flashes by as a bizarre wolf/human hybrid.  Rapunzel (Mackenzie Mauzy) is a daft nitwit who lets down her hair for absolutely anyone and bratty Jack commits ecological terrorism, grand larceny and murder but is still somehow a hero (Sir Terry Pratchett would approve!).  Christine Baranski was a brilliant casting choice for Cinderella’s evil stepmother and this is the fourth time Lucy Punch has played a stepsister (type cast much?).  But both were gypped by too small roles and thus their comedic genius was utterly wasted.

This movie will make you want to shoot the very next person who sings the line ‘into the woods’, makes Prince Charming a philandering jerk, has a peculiar affinity for killing characters in abrupt ways and gives the impression that despite the Woods being purportedly enormous and dangerous, they are absolutely crawling with people who keep conveniently running into one another.  There was an extreme deficiency of logic that I found infuriating and absolutely no satisfying conclusion to any of the story lines.  I suffered through the entire thing thinking surely there must be some point to all of it, but alas, there was not.  To quote my fabulous Aunt Denice, it was ‘absolutely ghawstly‘!  Not even Frances de la Tour as the giantess or Tracey Ullman as Jack’s mother could save this atrocious time-sucking musical disaster.  I can’t believe I’m going to say this, but Russell Crowe’s performance in Les Misérables looks like it should have won an Oscar in comparison to this stinker.  Be careful what you wish for, sure, but also be careful what movie you watch and avoid this at all costs!  – BETHANY

For more on this mess of a musical, consult the Internet Movie Database.

The whole kit and caboodle of them.  I’m so annoyed because this movie looked so much better than it was.

Hollywood Queen Meryl Streep as the Witch.  Just don’t ask me why she’s up in a tree.  (Hopefully she was on her way to get a manicure, because one is desperately needed.)

Anna Kendrick‘s Cinderella having an existential crisis because, horrors, she has to make a decision!

Personally, I think this visual of Johnny Depp recoiling in distaste perfectly captures my feelings about this movie.

James Corden‘s baker tries to rob Red Riding Hood of her, uh, hood.  What next, looting an orphanage?

The baker and his wife (Emily Blunt) swindling gullible Jack (Daniel Huttlestone).  What wonderful morals this film has!

Lucy Punch, Christine Baranski and Tammy Blanchard.  At least the costume design in this film was top notch.

    Rapunzel tra-la-la-ing in her tower.  Somebody get that girl some conditioner!

The Wolf’s interactions with Red Riding Hood come skin-crawlingly close to pedophilia territory.  Quite a few of the other story lines have similar inappropriately sexual overtones.

Rapunzel’s Prince and Cinderella’s Prince have a vocal argument about which one of them is in more agony about their lost loves.  It’s precisely as bad as it sounds.

This might be the closest thing this film has to a good line.

Just when you hoped, I mean, thought it was finished, there are still forty minutes to go.  *sigh*

 

The only reason to watch this movie is so you can fully appreciate this gem from Cinema Sins.  Warning, the language employed is a bit, er, colorful.

For those of you who don’t know, Bill Nye the Science Guy was once a part of Seattle’s version of SNL, called ‘Almost Live’.  Here’s a clip of him doing a spot on impression of William Shatner.  It’s alarmingly close to Chris Pine’s performance as Prince Charming.

 

Photos courtesy of Lucamar Productions, Marc Platt Productions and Walt Disney Pictures (unless credited in clickable form)

Fifty Shades of Grey

This is a decent adaptation of the book, and that’s being rather generous.  Nowhere near as salacious or erotic as it was made out to be, I am very glad I didn’t waste my money on a theater ticket.  The books are excellent, but most of the charm of them is because of Ana’s thoughts and emotions.  She’s an unreliable narrator, as her naïveté and personality color everything and the reader spends a great deal of time in her head.  None of that is able to be translated into film, unless the whole movie was done in voice-overs.  So take the book, subtract all the interesting psychological drama and internal thoughts, including the amusing subconscious and inner goddess, and then try to make a movie with what is left.  The result is like the difference between a skeleton and a living, breathing creature.  The bare bones of the story are there, the key plot points are accounted for, but there is a disappointing lack of soul.

Jamie Dornan is undeniably hot, but he’s not at all how I pictured Christian Grey.   I think the women of the world all fell a little bit in love with him as the Huntsman on Once Upon A Time, and he’s a very fine actor.  I just didn’t think the role suited him.  Dakota Johnson was closer to the mark as Anastasia Steele, but there was little if any chemistry between the two leads.  The book describes the attraction between Christian and Ana as charged and magnetic, but none of that made it into the movie.  To be fair, not all of it was a let-down.  The sets are fabulous, wardrobes are amazing, the ambiance is pitch perfect and some of the casting choices were inspired.  Marcia Gay Harden as Dr. Grace Trevelyan-Grey was terrific, although she got precious little screen time, and Jennifer Ehle as Ana’s mother Carla was great.

My impression of the books is ultimately a story of love and redemption, how Christian and Ana change, influence and help each other for the better.  Plus a lot of kinky sex.  The latter is well represented in the movie, but sadly the characters I loved from the books are mere shadows of themselves.  Rarely have I seen a movie based on a book do justice to the source material and this is no exception. It’s all right, but doesn’t hold a candle to the book.  Verdict: Fifty Shades of Meh.    – BETHANY

For more on Fifty Shades of Grey, visit the Internet Movie Database

                                 I’m fairly sure there is no building in Seattle with this view of the Space Needle.

Go Seahawks!  The 12th Man flag might have been my favorite part of the movie.

     The Red Room of Pain.

I don’t do hearts and flowers.  But I do Audi and Apple.

                   I also do Pilates.

Because it’s just gauche to have restraining ropes that don’t match the décor.

This really is a gorgeous shot.

Ana and Kate Kavanagh (Eloise Mumford) miserably failing the Bechdel test.

Mr Grey will eat you now.

Marcia Gay Harden as Dr. Grace Trevelyan-Grey.

            If you think you’ve seen the actor playing Taylor (Max Martini) before, it was  probably as Frank Stevens on Revenge, or as a SEAL Commander in Captain Phillips.

*snicker*

It’s all over, folks.  Now there are Fifty Shades of Grey Legos.  Fun for the whole family!

Photos courtesy of Focus Features, Michael De Luca Productions, Trigger Street Productions and Universal Pictures  (otherwise credited in clickable form)

R.I.P.D.

While not a masterpiece, this movie was at least mildly entertaining. It was Ghost meets Men in Black, but alas, the preview was better than the film, as it had most of the good bits in it.  Ryan Reynolds dimly stars as Nick, a Boston PD cop whom, after being killed on the job, discovers if you’ve done anything naughty in life, when you die you simply switch departments.  Once inducted into the Rest In Peace Department (R.I.P.D.), Nick now polices souls who try to escape back into the world as unimaginatively named “deados”.  Jeff Bridges was over the top and obviously having fun with his role as erstwhile U.S. Marshal Roy and Nick’s new albeit very old (like American Civil War old) partner, but I couldn’t help but wish he’d underplayed it instead, more along the lines of Tommy Lee Jones in the MIB movies. Mary-Louise Parker was sarcastically wonderful as a somewhat bored after-life civil servant and Kevin Bacon did the impossible of making you hate him, but the script wasn’t all it could have been.

The plot was needlessly overblown, melodramatic and tries to be epic when a more low key approach might have been beneficial. I think it would have been better if they’d just done day to day business as usual in the R.I.P.D. instead of going the route of an impending apocalypse. Ryan Reynolds did the best he could with a somewhat lackluster role and it was fun to see a Victoria’s Secret model flex her comedic acting muscles. On the whole, I thought it had an interesting plot and some truly funny stuff sprinkled throughout, but not a movie I’d like to watch again. Worth a rental, but not a theater ticket. – BETHANY

For more information on R.I.P.D., visit the Internet Movie Database

So what happens when you are asked to turn in your gun and your badge?  Ouch!

Attending your own funeral cliché.

                So why does Mary-Louise Parker’s character get an actual badge instead of one branded on your skin?

                   Nope, nothing unusual or suspicious here.

              Jeff Bridges described this movie as ‘underwhelming’.  I concur.

Nice Go-Go boots!

    One among many bizarre faces pulled by Jeff Bridges.

Victoria’s Secret model Marisa Miller plays Roy’s avatar in the real world.  “Excuse me? I’m not a piece of meat put on this earth for your gratification, I’m a woman. Respect me or I will castrate you like a three-year-old steer.”

Whereas Nick is represented by James Hong, described as “an old Chinese guy”.

 

Photos courtesy of Universal Pictures, Original Film, Dark Horse Entertainment and Relativity Media

The Maze Runner

Think of this movie as the opposite of what Peter Jackson did to the Hobbit .  Instead of stretching things out, adding extraneous material and unnecessary new characters with absolutely no regard for the author’s original intent, this film of The Maze Runner apparently took the title too literally because it is like watching the book in fast forward.  Hurry hurry hurry, we don’t have time for character building, so we barely learn a smattering a few names and thus care absolutely not one whit when uh, that one, dies.  Nope, no time for all the little details that made the maze so freaky, no time to build up the suspense around the Grievers before you actually see one, no time to understand the society structure the boys established in The Glade, no time for Thomas to figure out the intricate code embedded in the maps made by all the other Maze Runners and definitely no time to show Teresa and Thomas can speak to one another telepathically (which to be honest would have taken absolutely no time at all.)

Now I realize a lot of you are going to say “gee, another bad review because the movie wasn’t exactly like the book,” and you do have a bit of a point.  However, it is worth noting that at no point will you be saying “hey, that wasn’t in the book”, except possibly when huge story arcs are condensed into a few seconds for convenience and to keep the speed of the story going because if it ever goes under 60 mph it will explode.  (Note:  in case it wasn’t obvious, that was not a spoiler but rather a reference to the movie Speed.)

I originally wanted to see The Maze Runner because Dylan O’Brien plays Thomas, and I love him in Teen Wolf.  I immediately bought the books and thoroughly enjoyed them.  The plot is an interesting one.  Thomas arrives via “The Box” into an idyllic green world called The Glade, surrounded on all sides by a gargantuan maze, with no memory of who he is except his name.  We soon find out that all the boys who populate The Glade arrived in similar fashion and have hammered out a working society of sorts.  Everyone has assigned tasks to ensure their survival, but the main goal is figuring out the maze in order to find a way out.  This is a tough job, as the doors to the maze close every night and the whole thing proceeds to change shape, plus it is guarded by the Grievers – giant bio-mechanical spider thingies that go around moaning when not trying to kill and/or sting one of the Gladers.  The main plot points are all present in the movie, but the book had a beautiful pace to it, with attention to detail and fabulous characterizations while still maintaining a headlong tumble towards the inevitable but surprising conclusion.  I don’t know why the movie feels so rushed, as the run time isn’t particularly short.  If you must watch this, I highly recommend you do what I did and heavily imbibe.  It gets much better then!  – BETHANY

For more on this unfortunate movie version of a great book, visit The Internet Movie Database

Gally, Minho, Thomas, Teresa and Newt.  But the important thing in the picture is the Maze.  It looks cool, but unfortunately contradicts not only the book but the movie itself, as a character says “the ivy doesn’t go all the way to the top”.  Even worse, it is botanically incorrect, as ivy will not grow on moving walls.  Hmmmm.  For the extensive list of all the differences between the movie and the book, plus quite a lot of factual errors, visit the Trivia and Goofs sections on IMDB.

The precious few characters actually named in the film.  Left to right:  Minho (Ki Hong Lee), Alby (Aml Ameen), Teresa (Kaya Scodelario), Thomas (Dylan O’Brien), Gally (Will Poulter) and Newt (Thomas Brodie-Sangster).  And one more below:

                                                                  Chuck (Blake Cooper), who stands like this in most every shot of him.

“It’s a girl.  I think she’s dead!”

How very Lord of the Flies.

Thomas and Teresa sittin’ in a tree …

A Griever in the film.  To see a bunch of other concept art that wasn’t used, visit this FilmSketchr page.

                                  Duh!

                                                                         There is no actual swearing in the book.

                                                                          Some of the excellent slang invented by author James Dashner, of which only one or two are used in the film.

 

(The trailer and the gag reel might be better than the actual movie)

Warning:  these hilarious bits from YouTube Screen Junkies, CinemaSins and How It Should Have Ended contain a lot of spoilers and poor language choices, but are extremely funny.  Probably best not to watch these unless you have already read the books.

 

Photos courtesy of Twentieth Century Fox Film Corporation, Gotham Group,  Temple Hill Entertainment, TSG Entertainment, Dayday Films and Ingenious Media (unless otherwise noted in clickable form)