Dinosaur Revolution

Bad To The Bone – their tag line, not mine

This is the sort of thing you’d get if the makers of all those Land Before Time movies decided to make a “live” dinosaur miniseries. I’ve got nothing against animation in general and quite enjoy it, but this purports to be a scientific film based on real academics. Walking with Dinosaurs (The BBC show, not the terrible 2013 movie) was amazing and it did well balancing known paleontological facts with valid extrapolation. This one seemed to be largely composed of speculation and the little stories were highly sentimental. Someone (it was an anonymous post, so I don’t know who) said it was dinosaurs being Disney-fied, and while I don’t totally agree (Disney would never have a headless corpse running around before comically collapsing), I get their drift. All the CGI dinosaurs have been grossly anthropomorphized, giving them human emotions and personalities as well as adorable faces and eyes. Some of it felt as though it’d been written as a slapstick comedy routine and there was a lot of moralizing totally inappropriate for a serious documentary-style feature. For example, a predator learning his lesson about being nice to others, then having the point rammed home by a little friend coming to his rescue when he needed help.  Next, former enemies declaring a truce because the one-time aggressor saved the other dinosaur’s baby. The CGI wasn’t great but I could have forgiven that. This was just so relentlessly cutesy with little substance to back it up and that I cannot abide. – BETHANY

                              The watering hole bully and his little avian friend.Isn’t he just the sweetest little killing machine?

Dinosaur Singing Competitions

Aw, a big dinosaur looking placidly on as little adorable proto-mammals make their escape.

                           Egad, did you see that ridiculous dinosaur pictured below me that looks like a box of crayons exploded all over its animation cell?

It’s unwise to wake up this incredibly grumpy guy.

  Oh Mama Scary Killing Machine, I just wuv you!

Photos courtesy of Creative Differences, Mokko, Sauce FX, Hawaii Animation Studios, Kinkajou, Discovery Channel and Science Channel

The Hobbit: The Desolation of Smaug

Peter Jackson, this time you’ve gone too far! His adaptations of Tolkien’s work tend to be a mixed bag. Some of it is absolutely magnificent, occasionally even better than what I’d pictured in my head, but there’s also some mangling of the original narrative and worse, adding things that weren’t there to begin with for a good reason. I wish people would accord J.R.R. Tolkien the same honor as Shakespeare and stop tampering with what is already a masterpiece. No one would dream of changing dialogue the Bard himself wrote!  I can understand making cuts for the sake of run time and to speed up the story, but there is no excuse for adding material (e.g. the character of Tauriel). I liked the idea of weaving in some of the behind-the scenes stuff from Tolkien’s other books, but are not part of The Hobbit per se. Since the audience has already presumably seen the other Lord of the Rings movies, it makes sense to capitalize on that and have some fun with what Gandalf was getting up to on his own and letting us meet Radagast, who is only mentioned a few times, once by Gandalf speaking to Beorn in The Hobbit, and referenced twice in The Fellowship of the Ring. But I think the power went to Jackson’s head and he went nuts adding way too much stuff while eliminating or undermining many crucial elements in the story.  For instance, the scene of Bilbo finding his courage walking down the tunnel into the Lonely Mountain knowing there was a dragon at the other end of it is one of my absolute favorites and Jackson completely ruined it.  I love the books and to see The Hobbit trampled in such a way makes me want to scream and cry all at the same time. I won’t bother to enumerate all the ways in which this terrible movie departs from the book (i.e. everything wrong with it) as such a list would be 50 pages long. I wound up yelling and throwing things at the screen, then sank into a resigned semi-comatose state waiting for the horror to stop. It made me physically sick and then righteous anger set in. It makes my blood boil to see such lack of respect for a spectacularly nuanced book that was just perfect the way it was and needed no “improvement”.  The Desolation of Smaug is more The Desecration of Smaug. Peter Jackson, I just lost all respect I might have ever had for you for perpetrating this abomination on the world. How dare you! – BETHANY

http://www.imdb.com/title/tt1170358/?ref_=nv_sr_3

The butterflies of Mirkwood (except they were black)

    Now if you only saw this picture and didn’t know what else was going on in the movie, you might think ‘Hey, that looks a lot like I imagined it.’  So maybe just stick with looking at the picture.

Laketown

Since when are their Orcs in The Hobbit?  Goblins, yes.  Orcs, no.

The Woodland Elves’ home in Mirkwood

?!?!?!?!?!?!?  This one image might just represent the sequence I hated most in the film.

Photos courtesy of New Lince Cinema, Metro-Goldwyn-Mayer, WingNut Films and Warner Bros. Picture

Walking with Dinosaurs

Where to even begin with this mess of a movie! Grossly inaccurate, highly sentimental and full of pseudo-educational drivel, this is scientifically flawed and to add insult to injury, not even particularly entertaining. I wouldn’t have minded the heavily anthropomorphized dinosaurs, the somewhat inane plot or even John Leguizamo’s avian character Alex and his tediously relentless smart aleck narration, but this was pedantic in the extreme and will seem insultingly condescending to even the youngest of viewers. There is an overdose of applying human mores and conventions to the world of the dinosaurs, such as having the nerdy but plucky guy win in the end and a host of other things that fly straight in the face of the actual laws of nature.  The juxtaposition of the silly story and the freeze frames to identify each type of dinosaur was jarring and only served to cast a very slight veneer of “science”. The official names and descriptions of dinosaurs shown would have been better suited to an interactive feature on the DVD. The educational aspect was severely undermined by portraying Cretaceous Alaska largely as it appears now. According to the fossil record, the climate was much different then with no ice at the poles, warmer temperatures, high levels of rainfall and more tropical vegetation. I can understand a little creative license but not if the film purports to teach the audience about the real Cretaceous world. Your time would be better spent watching the original BBC Walking with Dinosaurs miniseries which plays like a nature show but with incredibly detailed CGI dinosaurs. This movie tries to combine the entertainment value of, say, The Land Before Time films with credible paleontology and fails miserably on both counts. – BETHANY

If for some inexplicable reason you want more information on this film, such as who disgraced themselves by being part of it, visit IMDB at http://www.imdb.com/title/tt1762399/?ref_=nv_sr_1

Sub-tropical Cretaceous Alaska(?)

Patchi and Alex

                                             Aw, it’s like a postcard picture.

Photos courtesy of Reliance Entertainment, BBC Earth, Evergreen Films and 20th Century Fox

 

Sharknado 2: The Second One

So what do you name the lead character in a movie about sharks? Fin, of course! The first thing you should know about me is I am deathly afraid of sharks. It’s an extreme phobia exacerbated by an older sister who told me our Florida swimming pool was full of invisible sharks that would eat me if I put so much as a toe in the water. I even get skittish in the shower, so it should really say something that I totally enjoyed this movie! People beating the living snot out of sharks in the streets with baseball bats, pitchforks, swords and chainsaws? Awesome! This belongs in a class of movie largely unique to the Syfy channel in that they’re so bad, so cheesy, so ridiculous that they’re actually quite fun to watch. There are spurious weather reports throughout detailing how many inches of shark New York can expect (see photo below), and the whole thing was designed to be a spoof of the first movie.  The first one wasn’t intended to be funny, but since everyone thought it was, Syfy decided to capitalize on it.  At least that’s my take on it.  For such a silly B-movie, there is an impressive list of celebrities that managed to land bit parts and cameos, such as Andy Dick, Wil Wheaton and his wife Anne, Perez Hilton, Kelly Osbourne, Matt Lauer, Kelly Ripa, Al Roker and Billy Ray Cyrus. The CGI sharks are so poorly done that they are not remotely scary and even when somebody gets munched there is the obligatory spray of red but nothing really nasty. The only exception being when a girl gets a shark latched on to her face and then the camera zooms in for a close-up of her as she dies. But for someone severely sharkophobic, it was payback time and I would have paid good money to have at the monsters with a chainsaw.

My two personal favorite bits were Ian Ziering bifurcating a flying shark using a giant chainsaw (see photo sequence below) and a hilarious scene where a shark falls through the ceiling and is immediately flipped expertly into a pizza oven with one of those long wooden paddles.  (However, I have since watched the first movie and strongly advise anyone with the same phobia to avoid it – they used a lot of real sharks in it!) Nobody ever said this was meant to be a serious movie and it’s a good thing, because otherwise the list of plot holes would be a mile long. I was disappointed when it was over because I wanted more!  And lo, my wish has been granted because coming this summer to the SyFy channel near you, behold the glory that is Sharknado 3: Oh Hell no! , which targets Washington D.C. and Florida. Dibs on the giant chainsaw!  – BETHANY

Check out the Internet Movie Database for more information on this movie: http://www.imdb.com/title/tt3062074/

How awesome is this sequence?

                             Yup, it just be raining sharks here in New York!

Pictures courtesy of The Asylum and Syfy Films

Wreck-It Ralph

Disney knocks it out of the park with this richly entertaining animated feature that brings all the magic of the arcade to life. I never really got into video games as a kid, preferring to read a good book instead, but that didn’t stop me from hugely enjoying this movie and promptly purchasing the DVD. The story is creative, imaginative and exciting while also being a rather astute look at human nature. True, these are all video game characters but they’ve been imbued with such heart and realism that you’ll never look at an arcade the same way ever again. Filled with so many hysterically funny puns, visual gags and snappy dialogue, I found this movie to be absolutely enchanting and one of my favorites to re-watch whenever I feel like it. There’s an incredible attention to detail, such as pixelating the splatter pattern of a ruined cake as well as the Steamboat Willy Disney logo at the beginning of the feature. Ralph (John C. Reilly) is a beautifully drawn sympathetic character and his feelings resonate with the audience as all of us have felt shut out and unappreciated at some point in our lives.  Stellar vocal performances from the entire cast but Alan Tudyk and Jane Lynch were truly spectacular. Enlightening without being preachy, the film subtly underscores the lesson that how you treat others says a lot about who you are as a person, which is equally applicable to children and adults alike. Full of high stakes, real drama and complicated relationships while still being uproariously funny and entertaining, I absolutely adore this movie and would love to see a sequel. – BETHANY

To see all the fine people involved in this film, visit: http://www.imdb.com/title/tt1772341/?ref_=nv_sr_1

Ralph might be the bad guy in his game, but don’t judge him by his character’s role.

Left out again.

Game Central at the arcade, which enables characters to move between games.

Alan Tudyk as King Candy

Jane Lynch as Calhoun

Welcome to Sugar Rush, every dentist’s nightmare

    Vanellope (Sarah Silverman), Sugar Rush’s determined and mouthy outcast “glitch”.

The entrance (and exit) to Sugar Rush

 

Photos courtesy of Walt Disney Pictures and Walt Disney Animation Studios

The Dinosaur Project

For one of those “found” footage type movies, this wasn’t half bad. I watched it on my own but have a feeling it would have been more fun if I’d watched it with a group of friends. That way you can heckle when a character does something stupid, predict exactly what is going to happen next and take bets on whom, if anyone, is going to survive. The members of the expedition are caricatures at best, clichés at worst, with each one readily summed up in a single sentence. The uptight arrogant British adventurer who can’t decide whether to be Indiana Jones or Lord Roxton but in either case is mostly an absentee parent to a teenage son. The second in command who claims to do all the hard work while his boss poses for pictures, gets all the publicity and takes all the credit. A budget teenage version of Josh Hutcherson who craves his father’s attention and is inexplicably good with cameras and electronics. The token “hot girl” fresh out of medical school chosen for unknown reasons but probably because the expedition couldn’t afford a real doctor. The local guide who knows way more than she’s telling and keeps saying blindingly obvious things like “it’s not safe here”.   There are a ton of plot holes in this movie, although that should already be patently obvious, what with the premise being a science team infiltrating darkest of Africa to search for mysterious creatures described by locals as dinosaurs when Oh no, their helicopter crashes.  Why would any reputable expedition going to the heart of the Congo set out without proper provisions like multiple means of communication and, I don’t know, weapons? This goes double if you’re actually hunting dinosaurs, but nobody watches movies like this because they’re full of common sense. Good CGI, imaginative creatures and lots of conveniently placed cameras.  It is important to note that whoever dreamed up the poster allowed hyperbole and imagination run amok to get the best of them, as the movie is nowhere near that exciting.  A little (OK, a lot) silly and certainly predictable, but worth a decent two stars. – BETHANY

If you care to learn more about this movie, be my guest: http://www.imdb.com/title/tt1907779/

        Naturally the kid befriends a little dinosaur.

In all fairness “Crypto” is rather cute.

What the ding is this?  Some nasty goblin/bat-osaurus?

Photos courtesy of Moonlighting Films, Kent Films, LoveFilm, Anton Capital Entertainment, Dinosaur Productions and StudioCanal

Suits

I tend to approach legal dramas with extreme caution as they generally become political, obsessed with who’s hooking up with who, or overtly preachy. This one is a breath of fresh air, a completely character-driven show that focuses much more on the people involved instead of getting bogged down in technical legalese. This is the world of corporate law and high finance in New York and Harvey Specter is the best of the best. A suave, charismatic and diabolically clever attorney who is equally stunned and fascinated when a young man accidentally stumbles into a job interview while transporting a suitcase full of weed forced on him by his skeevy roommate. Mike Ross, a brilliant erstwhile law student with an eidetic memory, has had an interesting career path. Kicked out of college for selling test answers, he now works as a bike messenger. Harvey is so impressed by Mike that he hires him on the spot, despite the deficit of official credentials. Hiding this fact from others is a continuing theme through the series and serves as an ever present Sword of Damocles hanging over Mike’s head. There’s a wide range of characters at the law firm like Donna, Harvey’s uncannily prescient secretary, and Louis Litt, a somewhat unpleasant junior partner with a highly suspicious mind and a grudge against the whole world. The stories evolve organically and are often side-splittingly funny, full of elegant banter and witty repartee. I’ve got to give credit to the wardrobe department as most everyone, particularly Donna and powerful name partner Jessica Pearson, look like they just stepped off the classiest fashion runway in the world. Always inventive, never boring and highly entertaining, I absolutely love this show and have been thoroughly invested since the very first episode. I care deeply for the beautifully rounded characters, which in my opinion is a hallmark of truly great television. – BETHANY

Evidently the fashion world is paying attention to this TV show, with many sites dedicated to either the men’s titular suits or the ladies runway-ready wardrobes, or in some cases both.  Check out this blog about the girls and their incredible clothes:  http://thestitcherati.com/crafts/sewing/fashion-inspiration-the-women-of-suits/

Jessica Pearson is definitely a fashion icon.  Here are a few of some of her more memorable looks.

But Jessica isn’t the only one dressed to the nines.  Observe Donna, below.

Donna, Harvey’s Executive Assistant

This picture cracked me up, so I had to include it.  It makes everyone look like brooding psychopaths, except Rachel in the middle, who just appears lost.

Photos courtesy of Universal Cable and NBC Universal

Universal Cable

 

10,000 B.C.

Perhaps the best way to approach this movie is to think of it as a sci-fi or fantasy set somewhere that bears a vague resemblance to Earth at say, and I’m just pulling a date out of nowhere, around 10,000 B.C. Then you can sit back and enjoy without keeping a tally of all the errors. I watched this movie when it first came out and like many others, I was outraged at the huge number of blatant inaccuracies in astronomy, history, geography, archaeology, paleontology, anthropology, linguistics, topography, botany, biology, cartography, Egyptology, etc. I gave it three stars because I liked the characters, the CGI was great and it also had something of ethical value to say. I rented it again in 2014 after binge-watching Primeval and found the movie to be better than I’d remembered. Oh, it was still full of factual errors, but once I decided to dismiss them and just focus on the narrative, it was a lot better. Young mammoth hunter D’Leh sets out on a quest to save his tribe and rescue the woman he loves, Evolet (played by Camille Belle).  A bit reminiscent of Stargate and the subsequent TV series Stargate SG-1, both of which I absolutely love and own on DVD, this movie explores a past that might have been. Full of lush visuals, the movie has fun showing everyone’s favorite creatures like mammoths, giant birds and sabre tooth cats, choosing to thrill the audience rather than please the academics. I think the biggest mistake the producers made was to title the movie ‘10,000 B.C.’ which implies it is meant to be a historical piece. It would be much more accurate to say it was ‘inspired by Earth circa 10,000 B.C.’, which would also forestall the vast majority of viewer complaints. This is an imaginative story of magic, prophecy, courage, love, loyalty and perseverance, an epic tale to be told around a campfire.   If you want a documentary set in the same time period, watch the BBC’s Walking with Beasts, conveniently available to stream or rent on Netflix. Not a cinematic masterpiece but a quasi-prehistoric flavored adventure intended to entertain, which it does in spades. – BETHANY

Know you’ve seen that mammoth in another movie and can’t remember which one?  The Internet Movie Database won’t answer that question (because, you know, extinct), but it will tell you which actors were in this movie: http://www.imdb.com/title/tt0443649/?ref_=nv_sr_1

                                                 D’Leh and Evolet

Huh, this could be bad …

This kid gets himself into a lot of trouble

More creature related peril

Curiouser and curiouser

Photos courtesy of Legendary Pictures, Centropolis Entertainment and Warner Bros. Pictures

Winter’s Tale

Once I got over my disappointment that this wasn’t in any way connected to Shakespeare’s play, I absolutely loved Winter’s Tale. It’s a gorgeous romantic and inspiring story underpinned by the classic good vs evil paradigm. Russell Crowe and Will Smith went totally against type and played villainous characters with panache and eerie stillness, and Jessica Brown Findlay steals the show as doomed beauty Beverly Penn. Every time I thought I had figured out where the story was going, the writers surprised me by veering in a totally unexpected direction. I understand the screenplay is based on a much loved and exponentially more complex book which I have yet to read and many fans are upset by how little the movie has in common with its source material. However, judged solely on its own merits, this is an incredible story that celebrates each and every unique human soul along with some rather profound observations about human nature and the purpose of the universe. “I’ll tell you something that should chill your blood. Now matter how far we tip the scales our way, no matter how many of them we turn dark, nothing seems to break their capacity for hope. They pass it back and forth like the flu at a preschool fair. We’re losing, Lucifer. One bright star at a time, we’re losing.” I guess even bad guys gripe with one another around the metaphorical water cooler. My favorite visual element has to be the White Horse (anybody know where I can get one?) – those spectacular ethereal wings! I was moved by this beautiful and enchantingly thoughtful film, an uplifting and meaningful fairy tale that will restore your faith and inspire you to hope. Immensely satisfying! [I have since read the book, which I loved, and there is little resemblance to the movie. However, I love them both equally. The movie is an impression vaguely related to just one of the story lines in the book, but as long as you don’t expect the two to be similar, you can enjoy them both.] – BETHANY

For more on Winter’s Tale, visit http://www.imdb.com/title/tt1837709/?ref_=nv_sr_1

A dreamy scene utilizing some subtle but spectacular special effects.

Beverly Penn and Peter Lake at a dance in the Coheeries.  I don’t care for the haircut they gave Peter’s character, but everything else is gorgeous.

Did Peter steal the horse or did the horse steal Peter?

Why yes, I do sound like the Lucky Charms leprechaun but I’m still plenty scary.

Some rather obvious symbolism

Photos courtesy of Village Roadshow Pictures, Weed Road Pictures, Warner Bros. Pictures and Roadshow Entertainment

We Bought A Zoo

“Travel the stages of grieving, and yet, stop just before zebras get involved.” Sage advice from Benjamin Mee’s brother, Duncan, in response to the idea of his little brother and recent widower buying a zoo. I think considering the title of the movie, it is in no way a spoiler to say he does, in fact, buy the zoo, simply because he loved the house that came with it, Rosie fell hard for all the animals and also, “why not?” I think it is a pity the film moves the story from England to California (possibly to avoid comparisons with Fierce Creatures but probably simply to have more appeal to American audiences) but it does retain all the charm and ethos of the original. Little Rosie (Maggie Elizabeth Jones) is the cutest thing ever and I especially loved Angus MacFadyen as the tempestuous Scotsman Peter MacCready.  Scarlett Johansson beautifully underplays her role as zookeeper Kelly, who says herself that she’s better with animals than she is with people.  I know the actress is capable of playing a real sexpot but here she’s a gamine soul with no pretenses or artifice.  This is undoubtedly a family movie with elements that will appeal to a wide range of ages but handily avoids becoming overly saccharine or needlessly emotional. It is heartfelt, dealing with the realities of losing a wife and mother but doesn’t dwell on the pain. This is a family learning how to move on, a portrait of healthy recovery as opposed to the angst filled festivals of grief that generally get all the awards and critical rave reviews. This movie carries a message of hope and a readily quotable bit of practical philosophy applicable to daily life, courtesy of Benjamin Mee (Matt Damon): “Sometimes all you need is twenty seconds of insane courage.  Just literally twenty seconds of embarrassing bravery.  And I promise you, something great will come of it.”  A wonderful feel-good film that has the spark of something profoundly real, I highly recommend you give this a try. Who knows, perhaps something great will come of it. – BETHANY

There’s a lot of familiar faces in this movie and here’s where you can see what else they’ve been in:  http://www.imdb.com/title/tt1389137/?ref_=nv_sr_1

I promise you, this is an actual scene in the movie, not a publicity shot.

Oh look, zebras!

Dang it, not the zebras!  Why did it have to be zebras?  – Duncan Mee, zoo skeptic (Thomas Haden Church).

Benjamin Mee (Matt Damon) having a moment with a tiger named Spar.

Rosie (Maggie Elizabeth Jones) immediately takes to the zoo.

                                     Isn’t Rosie adorable?  Scarlet Johansson as Kelly Foster isn’t half bad either.

Dylan Mee and persistently friendly Lily (Elle Fanning)

Walter Ferris (John Michael Higgins), a crushingly perverse zoo inspector, and yes, he intentionally positioned that extendable tape measure.

The zoo employees – Peter MacCreedy (the one in the tam) looks like he’s defiantly facing a firing squad.

Pictures courtesy of Vinyl Films, LBI Entertainment, Dune Entertainment and 20th Century Fox